Courage.
http://ping.fm/bzylQ
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Congratulations to everyone who ran in the NYC Marathon today -- this one's fur you!
http://ping.fm/APqnk
http://ping.fm/APqnk
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
It's Sunday night, and you know what that means! Click the link, comment, like, follow, whatever!
http://ping.fm/KjNDL
http://ping.fm/KjNDL
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Reciprocation
Recently, a nice elderly couple I've known for some time has run into a bit of trouble. While many people have learned to save for retirement, these people spent for the moment. Tragically, it's cost them big time, as they have "outlived" their money.
Their adult son, who is himself retired and in his 60's, has been helping them for quite some time. First, he bought them a condo as a retirement present. The fact that they did not save up for it over time was obviated, because he did it for them. However, over time, they kept right on spending whatever they had, more and more, until there was nothing left.
As frustrating, stressful, and tragic as it was for everyone involved, the adult son persevered. However, their health began to deteriorate as well. Eventually, they were not able to live independently as they once were.
So now, this adult son is looking to place his elderly parents in a nursing home. For some, this may seem like the end of the line. However, he's been researching several fine facilities in the area, and will soon be making a selection that will suit both his parents best.
I can remember, as a child, being somewhat uncomfortable when visiting nursing homes. My Cub Scout pack would sometimes go to one for some sort of service project for the elderly. I didn't understand why the residents looked the way they did, or why they were there, but I knew I would not visit such a facility by my own choice.
Later, I learned that such places are risky. Sometimes the staff abuses the residents. Sometimes they overmedicate them just to keep them quiet. And sometimes they're just used to temporarily warehouse the elderly until their eventual demise. Sometimes, adult children will house their parents in these facilities and never visit them again. This is most likely because of abuse or some other misdeeds wrought by the parents during their hale and hearty years, and the adult children's desire to simply "put them away."
However, such is not the case here. I know this couple to be fine, lovely people. They have lived long, full, lives, that apparently require some assistance during their "Golden Years." What their adult son is doing is merely returning the favor. He had always been a "tit-fot-tat" kind of gentleman -- he believed that whenever someone else does something good for you, you have a moral obligation to reciprocate it. This fine and lovely couple raised him, taught him high standards, and gave him a foundation upon which to base his near-exemplary life. Now that life has caused him and his parents to reverse their positions, he is merely returning the favor. They took care of him as good parents should, so he is only taking care of them in return.
So for those of us fortunate to still have parents around and available, please note that today was Parents' Day. It obviously doesn't get the same fanfare that Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day get, but let's take time to thank them for all they have done for us (and in some cases, continue to do). There will come a time one day, not too far from now, when they will no longer be able to help, and will instead require our assistance. Let's try to learn from this gentleman's example, and be there for whatever our parents need, whether it's a nursing home, help with finances, or even just time to have lunch with them.
So Mom, Dad, thanks for everything!
Their adult son, who is himself retired and in his 60's, has been helping them for quite some time. First, he bought them a condo as a retirement present. The fact that they did not save up for it over time was obviated, because he did it for them. However, over time, they kept right on spending whatever they had, more and more, until there was nothing left.
As frustrating, stressful, and tragic as it was for everyone involved, the adult son persevered. However, their health began to deteriorate as well. Eventually, they were not able to live independently as they once were.
So now, this adult son is looking to place his elderly parents in a nursing home. For some, this may seem like the end of the line. However, he's been researching several fine facilities in the area, and will soon be making a selection that will suit both his parents best.
I can remember, as a child, being somewhat uncomfortable when visiting nursing homes. My Cub Scout pack would sometimes go to one for some sort of service project for the elderly. I didn't understand why the residents looked the way they did, or why they were there, but I knew I would not visit such a facility by my own choice.
Later, I learned that such places are risky. Sometimes the staff abuses the residents. Sometimes they overmedicate them just to keep them quiet. And sometimes they're just used to temporarily warehouse the elderly until their eventual demise. Sometimes, adult children will house their parents in these facilities and never visit them again. This is most likely because of abuse or some other misdeeds wrought by the parents during their hale and hearty years, and the adult children's desire to simply "put them away."
However, such is not the case here. I know this couple to be fine, lovely people. They have lived long, full, lives, that apparently require some assistance during their "Golden Years." What their adult son is doing is merely returning the favor. He had always been a "tit-fot-tat" kind of gentleman -- he believed that whenever someone else does something good for you, you have a moral obligation to reciprocate it. This fine and lovely couple raised him, taught him high standards, and gave him a foundation upon which to base his near-exemplary life. Now that life has caused him and his parents to reverse their positions, he is merely returning the favor. They took care of him as good parents should, so he is only taking care of them in return.
So for those of us fortunate to still have parents around and available, please note that today was Parents' Day. It obviously doesn't get the same fanfare that Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day get, but let's take time to thank them for all they have done for us (and in some cases, continue to do). There will come a time one day, not too far from now, when they will no longer be able to help, and will instead require our assistance. Let's try to learn from this gentleman's example, and be there for whatever our parents need, whether it's a nursing home, help with finances, or even just time to have lunch with them.
So Mom, Dad, thanks for everything!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
New Chapters
Hey all. Due to several headline events, I did not post last week. I've been advised to steer clear of controversial topics for several reasons. One perfectly valid reason is that I happen to know someone involved with a major news event that only occurred one week ago, and don't wish to influence his role in it. Granted, there are many things I'd like to say, both here and on the Common Man blog. However, in order to assuage the fears and concerns of one of my faithful readers, and in order not to impact in any way a major undertaking that my friend now has, I'll have to put those opinions to the side. If anyone wants to hear about them, please e-mail me.
So instead, moving right along to relatively light and fluffy topics, I've seen three families I've known reach major milestones. First of all, there's a young relative of mine getting married in a few weeks. This past weekend, I was part of his bachelor party at a local gambling mecca, where a good time was had by all. There's just something about casinos and dinner at a steak house that reminds us all that we are really men underneath it all!
But besides that, it gives me cause for reflection. I actually saw this groom when he was only a baby. I remember his older brother, three years old at the time, demanding that his mother "send him back to the boy store" because he thought he was getting a sister. Since then, I saw him grow -- I remember that his first word was merely repeating his father's given name over and over again. He distinguished himself academically, graduating with high honors. He earned a master's degree and landed a great job, and he is now marrying his college sweetheart. I guess you really know you're middle aged when you realize you've witnessed someone else's entire life span! So to the groom, once again, congratulations. By having met that someone special early in life, without any reliance on Internet dating sites, you are one of the few and proud to have achieved a slice of the American dream. You make me proud to be your cousin!
Also, a friend of mine and his wife are about to have a baby. This friend was a newlywed himself, and had always dreamed of becoming a father. Whenever he was around children, he would always comment that "I want one!" Well, they recently learned that this "one" is a girl. I know for sure he'll be an excellent father, and I wish him well on this of many new adventures.
Finally, another friend of mine is about to become a father for the third time. Since he already has two boys, many of us hoped for a daughter this time. However, it looks like he'll be the proud papa of "My Three Sons." I know that his house is a place of joy and fun, the kind of home any child would love to grow up in. So I know that my friend, his wife, his two sons, and the rest of the extended family will make a happy home for this new arrival as well.
New chapters for me? They remain to be seen. I know my wife and I have a weekend getaway coming up next month, and that I'll be running in the Disney Marathon this January. Still, I think I need to start writing new chapters soon, literally. With the help of another friend of mine "in the know," I am learning how to monetize this blog, and to make it a source of remuneration. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, and the earnings and respect that come with it. However, there are other ways I wish to contribute to the world and blogosphere out there, and that's by bringing more and more attention to bullying issues in school and elsewhere, as well as providing motivation for men and boys who sorely lack it (and there are more of them than you may think).
I would like to thank someone out there for a little extra inspiration for new chapters -- my sister. Today she gave me some amazing ideas for this blog, concerning its content at least, and I thank her for it. For her insight and extra motivation, I officially dub her, "The New Oprah!"
Thanks all -- don't forget to comment, e-mail, and "like" on Facebook!
So instead, moving right along to relatively light and fluffy topics, I've seen three families I've known reach major milestones. First of all, there's a young relative of mine getting married in a few weeks. This past weekend, I was part of his bachelor party at a local gambling mecca, where a good time was had by all. There's just something about casinos and dinner at a steak house that reminds us all that we are really men underneath it all!
But besides that, it gives me cause for reflection. I actually saw this groom when he was only a baby. I remember his older brother, three years old at the time, demanding that his mother "send him back to the boy store" because he thought he was getting a sister. Since then, I saw him grow -- I remember that his first word was merely repeating his father's given name over and over again. He distinguished himself academically, graduating with high honors. He earned a master's degree and landed a great job, and he is now marrying his college sweetheart. I guess you really know you're middle aged when you realize you've witnessed someone else's entire life span! So to the groom, once again, congratulations. By having met that someone special early in life, without any reliance on Internet dating sites, you are one of the few and proud to have achieved a slice of the American dream. You make me proud to be your cousin!
Also, a friend of mine and his wife are about to have a baby. This friend was a newlywed himself, and had always dreamed of becoming a father. Whenever he was around children, he would always comment that "I want one!" Well, they recently learned that this "one" is a girl. I know for sure he'll be an excellent father, and I wish him well on this of many new adventures.
Finally, another friend of mine is about to become a father for the third time. Since he already has two boys, many of us hoped for a daughter this time. However, it looks like he'll be the proud papa of "My Three Sons." I know that his house is a place of joy and fun, the kind of home any child would love to grow up in. So I know that my friend, his wife, his two sons, and the rest of the extended family will make a happy home for this new arrival as well.
New chapters for me? They remain to be seen. I know my wife and I have a weekend getaway coming up next month, and that I'll be running in the Disney Marathon this January. Still, I think I need to start writing new chapters soon, literally. With the help of another friend of mine "in the know," I am learning how to monetize this blog, and to make it a source of remuneration. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, and the earnings and respect that come with it. However, there are other ways I wish to contribute to the world and blogosphere out there, and that's by bringing more and more attention to bullying issues in school and elsewhere, as well as providing motivation for men and boys who sorely lack it (and there are more of them than you may think).
I would like to thank someone out there for a little extra inspiration for new chapters -- my sister. Today she gave me some amazing ideas for this blog, concerning its content at least, and I thank her for it. For her insight and extra motivation, I officially dub her, "The New Oprah!"
Thanks all -- don't forget to comment, e-mail, and "like" on Facebook!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
They Got It!
Friday was a momentous day in the history of the State of New York. Homosexuals have now been granted the right to marry, a right possessed by heterosexuals since time immemorial.
As readers of both my blogs are aware, I have been an advocate for those who have faced disparate and unjust treatment. Accordingly, I'm proud of the New York State Legislature for taking a bold stand and joining a minority of states who have expanded a basic human freedom to those who were previously deprived the same liberties enjoyed by those with a more mainstream preference.
However, as we are loath to remember, with rights come responsibilities. It's come to my attention that over time, nearly every oppressed minority, once given rights and reparations, has the potential to emulate its oppressors. And they often do. This is because they did not understand the responsibilities that came with theire newly-granted rights.
Our friends seek the blessings of marriage so enjoyed by the mainstream population. However, not every part of marriage is cake and ice cream, so to speak. Marriage means commitment. Marriage means responsibility. Marriage means that a union of two people takes on its own identity, which is often greater than the two indviduals themselves.
Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment. This is why, when both parties seek to terminate the marriage, it is so difficult, so unpleasant, so merciless, and so expensive.
While I support the gay community and congratulate it on its new rights, I also seek to offer constructive criticism: As someone only married for less than a year myself, at an age older than 22, I can tell you that marriage is often something that takes adjustment if you're used to "the way things were" before. It is a complete lifestyle change, and more than just "a little slip of paper." You can't just wake up one day, decide you're bored, and show the other person the door. You also can't just troll around, looking for someone "better," like a job candidate. You have to at least try to seek compromise, conflict resolution, and look to make the relationship just a little bit better any way you can. If you've spent the entire earlier part of your life just playing around, looking out for yourself, and not sharing yourself with anyone else, it's a HUGE change.
So hopefully you've celebrated at the Pride Parade today. Just try to understand that this institution the heterosexual community has that you've wanted for so long is not a gift, a freebie, or a blank check. It's a responsibility. A big, huge, responsiblity that you must not attempt unless you know you're ready. Otherwise, you will lose respect.
As readers of both my blogs are aware, I have been an advocate for those who have faced disparate and unjust treatment. Accordingly, I'm proud of the New York State Legislature for taking a bold stand and joining a minority of states who have expanded a basic human freedom to those who were previously deprived the same liberties enjoyed by those with a more mainstream preference.
However, as we are loath to remember, with rights come responsibilities. It's come to my attention that over time, nearly every oppressed minority, once given rights and reparations, has the potential to emulate its oppressors. And they often do. This is because they did not understand the responsibilities that came with theire newly-granted rights.
Our friends seek the blessings of marriage so enjoyed by the mainstream population. However, not every part of marriage is cake and ice cream, so to speak. Marriage means commitment. Marriage means responsibility. Marriage means that a union of two people takes on its own identity, which is often greater than the two indviduals themselves.
Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment. This is why, when both parties seek to terminate the marriage, it is so difficult, so unpleasant, so merciless, and so expensive.
While I support the gay community and congratulate it on its new rights, I also seek to offer constructive criticism: As someone only married for less than a year myself, at an age older than 22, I can tell you that marriage is often something that takes adjustment if you're used to "the way things were" before. It is a complete lifestyle change, and more than just "a little slip of paper." You can't just wake up one day, decide you're bored, and show the other person the door. You also can't just troll around, looking for someone "better," like a job candidate. You have to at least try to seek compromise, conflict resolution, and look to make the relationship just a little bit better any way you can. If you've spent the entire earlier part of your life just playing around, looking out for yourself, and not sharing yourself with anyone else, it's a HUGE change.
So hopefully you've celebrated at the Pride Parade today. Just try to understand that this institution the heterosexual community has that you've wanted for so long is not a gift, a freebie, or a blank check. It's a responsibility. A big, huge, responsiblity that you must not attempt unless you know you're ready. Otherwise, you will lose respect.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day!
Hey all -- since today is father's day, I'm recycling what I posted when my father recovered from triple bypass surgery. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!
My Father
Yesterday I heard some distressing news from my Mom. I already knew that Dad had to be taken to the hospital for some sort of stress test, but this took an unexpected turn.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Hey all -- here's a new blog post on New Day about a famous Congressman from Queens!
http://ping.fm/5rAPU
http://ping.fm/5rAPU
Choose Your Words, And Your Recipients, Wisely!
And the Anthony Weiner story continues. First Eliot Spitzer, and now this. What on earth has been happening with New York's Democractic politicians?
I certainly don't know. But I do know that there are lessons to be learned from this fiasco:
(1) If our dear Congressman enjoyed engaging in this activity so much, he should have reconsidered getting married. Once you get married, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Instead, you can have your cake, and not even think, consider, or mull the notion of touching it, let alone eating it.
(2) It may be true that other members of Congress have done even worse deeds, as our friend Mr. Rangel has pointed out. However, that doesn't stop them from smelling blood and growing fangs once someone else is caught with their pants down. Politics is a realm in which you survive by culminating a necessary amount of alliances and friendships. Even if politicians are as human as the rest of us, the drive for self-preservation includes the desire to condemn, malign, and pass judgment on anyone who gets caught doing something questionable, regardless of whatever these accusers have themselves wrought.
(3) The danger of social media is that once you e-mail, blog, tweet, or update, whatever you say is OUT there, and there is a very real risk that it may end up in places you didn't want it seen. Those of us who wish to play around and enjoy the ride will need to buckle up, because it's really all of our responsibilities to stay safe. Or better yet, try to wean yourselves off the ride -- it might be difficult, but it is very possible. Your loved ones will be more grateful for it than you may realize.
I certainly don't know. But I do know that there are lessons to be learned from this fiasco:
(1) If our dear Congressman enjoyed engaging in this activity so much, he should have reconsidered getting married. Once you get married, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Instead, you can have your cake, and not even think, consider, or mull the notion of touching it, let alone eating it.
(2) It may be true that other members of Congress have done even worse deeds, as our friend Mr. Rangel has pointed out. However, that doesn't stop them from smelling blood and growing fangs once someone else is caught with their pants down. Politics is a realm in which you survive by culminating a necessary amount of alliances and friendships. Even if politicians are as human as the rest of us, the drive for self-preservation includes the desire to condemn, malign, and pass judgment on anyone who gets caught doing something questionable, regardless of whatever these accusers have themselves wrought.
(3) The danger of social media is that once you e-mail, blog, tweet, or update, whatever you say is OUT there, and there is a very real risk that it may end up in places you didn't want it seen. Those of us who wish to play around and enjoy the ride will need to buckle up, because it's really all of our responsibilities to stay safe. Or better yet, try to wean yourselves off the ride -- it might be difficult, but it is very possible. Your loved ones will be more grateful for it than you may realize.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day
Today, we have the third day of a three-day weekend, to honor the supreme sacrifice of those who fought our nation's wars, and never came home. It's easy to forget the meaning behind it, because it happens to be the unofficial start of summer and the kickoff of barbecue season. It also involves parades, and other activities meant to inspire joy and pride, and not mourning or sadness.
Why is that?
Because our men and women in uniform would have wanted us to do exactly that. If we lived under oppressive regimes, that staged parades that citizens were forced to attend, cheering fanatically as goose-stepping soldiers led battle-scarred tanks through some town square, the patriotism on display would not be genuine. This type of emperor-worshipping groupthink is precisely what our founding fathers went out of their way to avoid.
A parade, on the other hand, is an expression of free speech. And here in America, because young men and women have fought for our rights to express that speech (or not), grill some burgers, dogs, and ribs outside (or not (even if the vegetarians don't like it)), and go to the beach, surf, and get a sick tan (or not), WE CAN.
So enjoy your Memorial Day, America! And thank a soldier/marine/sailor if you see him or her in the streets if NYC this week!
Why is that?
Because our men and women in uniform would have wanted us to do exactly that. If we lived under oppressive regimes, that staged parades that citizens were forced to attend, cheering fanatically as goose-stepping soldiers led battle-scarred tanks through some town square, the patriotism on display would not be genuine. This type of emperor-worshipping groupthink is precisely what our founding fathers went out of their way to avoid.
A parade, on the other hand, is an expression of free speech. And here in America, because young men and women have fought for our rights to express that speech (or not), grill some burgers, dogs, and ribs outside (or not (even if the vegetarians don't like it)), and go to the beach, surf, and get a sick tan (or not), WE CAN.
So enjoy your Memorial Day, America! And thank a soldier/marine/sailor if you see him or her in the streets if NYC this week!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Free Weekends
Ever feel like there's not enough down time? I've posted about this issue before, but it deserves mention again. So for my long-time readers, a golden oldie (edited to reflect changes in life) from the MySpace files about taking a day off!
In the book of Exodus, after the Jews were wandering in the desert for some time, they had to start work on the Tabernacle. Moses gathered everyone together and reminded them about the Sabbath -- work six days, but no work on the Sabbath, in fact don't light any fires in your home that day. Then the people got on with the continued construction of the Tabernacle -- bringing gifts of gold, silver and copper -- tapestries in the colors of blue, purple and red -- to the point where the people gave more than was necessary and had to stop.
There's kind of a contradiction though -- first we're reminded not to work on the Sabbath, and then there's another detailed blueprint for our Tabernacle -- which entails a load of WORK. Granted, building the Tabernacle is quite an undertaking -- one that might even entail "coming in on weekends." But that initial disclaimer seems to indicate that as important as it was to finish the job right, it was even more important to have that one day of rest per week. Implicit in the directions and measurements was a 24-hour stop-work order that could never be altered.
Some of us have heard horror stories about modern-day laborers being faced with pitifully low wages, unavailable health benefits (go get it from Medicare, that's what it's there for, according to Wal-Mart), and unbearable hours. It's a shame that most employers don't take the lesson of this reading -- no matter how big the job, no matter what it entails, it can't take up every second of every day. There has to be some time, at least one day per week, for each worker to enjoy life.
HOW ABOUT THE REST OF US?
For many of us, a day of rest is an unattainable luxury. Some of us are forced to work on that extra day because the money we earn the rest of the week just isn't enough. And even worse, some of us have more than one job, so while we have at least one day off from one job, it's a working day for the other one.
What's somewhat frustrating for those of us who must go without that day of rest is that there's nothing to take its place. When people who have one job work more than 40 hours per week, they're entitled to overtime pay. But when people work side jobs, or a second job, even if their total hours for that week exceed 40, there is no overtime available. The employer who already pays 40 hours could say hey, you worked all your regular hours for me, that's all I have to pay you, it's not my problem if you work somewhere else.
This situation could be changed by providing additional benefits for concurrent employment. When someone is hurt on the job in New York State, he is obviously entitled to receive workers' compensation benefits. But if the worker has more than one job on the date he gets hurt, the wages from all of his jobs are added together to total a greater average weekly wage than just the job where he was injured, and that means he's entitled to more benefits every week than if he was only working one job (subject to a maximum of approximately $738.00 per week). N.Y. Work. Comp. Law 14(6).
Well, how about all the working men and women who aren't injured, but are slowly being run ragged from working weekends and multiple jobs? I think we need a change. If employers can't or won't give overtime to their workers who work second jobs or side jobs, that's a loss that needs to be recouped. The Earned Income Tax Credit, which can reduce the taxes such workers owe by up to approxinately $4,000, is an excellent start, but still more improvement is needed. Greater credits or deductions should be available in the form of "overtime" to those who work more than one job (as long as one of the jobs is full-time at 40 hours per week). The percentages and particulars should be left to the experts, just as the construction of the Tabernacle was left to expert craftsmen, but a solution is possible.
In the end, this credit or deduction would not be able to buy back the days of rest that such workers go without. But it would save them money that would otherwise be spent on overwhelming expenses, and that could lead to some days of rest down the line.
I know a few important people in my life who work too hard. They have their reasons for it, but it's not pleasant to know that they have to do it. One of these people picked an industry that is not regulated by any government entity, and is free to permit obscenely low pay, or no pay, to those who choose to attempt a career. Another one of these people happens to work many hours of blood, sweat, and tears to do what is needed, but is sometimes left at the mercy of "this economy." Some manage to "not let it bother them" (not on the outside, anyway), but others lash out in frustration and resentment at anyone else who rubs them the wrong way.
What's my solution? I didn't read "The Communist Manifesto" by Karl Marx, but I did read "Nickled and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich. I do know a thing or two about the plight of the working poor, and the scant opportunities for peace and harmony it provides. Accordingly, along with the credits I outlined above, all industries (even ones that try to have their labor designated as something other than "employees"), need to allow their labor one day off, paid if possible, no matter what! I don't care if it's welding, law enforcement, medicine, law, or entertainment. All work and no play makes Jack not only dull, but frustrated, depressed, and sometimes unapproachable!
Feel free to comment, especially if you have a day off today!
In the book of Exodus, after the Jews were wandering in the desert for some time, they had to start work on the Tabernacle. Moses gathered everyone together and reminded them about the Sabbath -- work six days, but no work on the Sabbath, in fact don't light any fires in your home that day. Then the people got on with the continued construction of the Tabernacle -- bringing gifts of gold, silver and copper -- tapestries in the colors of blue, purple and red -- to the point where the people gave more than was necessary and had to stop.
There's kind of a contradiction though -- first we're reminded not to work on the Sabbath, and then there's another detailed blueprint for our Tabernacle -- which entails a load of WORK. Granted, building the Tabernacle is quite an undertaking -- one that might even entail "coming in on weekends." But that initial disclaimer seems to indicate that as important as it was to finish the job right, it was even more important to have that one day of rest per week. Implicit in the directions and measurements was a 24-hour stop-work order that could never be altered.
Some of us have heard horror stories about modern-day laborers being faced with pitifully low wages, unavailable health benefits (go get it from Medicare, that's what it's there for, according to Wal-Mart), and unbearable hours. It's a shame that most employers don't take the lesson of this reading -- no matter how big the job, no matter what it entails, it can't take up every second of every day. There has to be some time, at least one day per week, for each worker to enjoy life.
HOW ABOUT THE REST OF US?
For many of us, a day of rest is an unattainable luxury. Some of us are forced to work on that extra day because the money we earn the rest of the week just isn't enough. And even worse, some of us have more than one job, so while we have at least one day off from one job, it's a working day for the other one.
What's somewhat frustrating for those of us who must go without that day of rest is that there's nothing to take its place. When people who have one job work more than 40 hours per week, they're entitled to overtime pay. But when people work side jobs, or a second job, even if their total hours for that week exceed 40, there is no overtime available. The employer who already pays 40 hours could say hey, you worked all your regular hours for me, that's all I have to pay you, it's not my problem if you work somewhere else.
This situation could be changed by providing additional benefits for concurrent employment. When someone is hurt on the job in New York State, he is obviously entitled to receive workers' compensation benefits. But if the worker has more than one job on the date he gets hurt, the wages from all of his jobs are added together to total a greater average weekly wage than just the job where he was injured, and that means he's entitled to more benefits every week than if he was only working one job (subject to a maximum of approximately $738.00 per week). N.Y. Work. Comp. Law 14(6).
Well, how about all the working men and women who aren't injured, but are slowly being run ragged from working weekends and multiple jobs? I think we need a change. If employers can't or won't give overtime to their workers who work second jobs or side jobs, that's a loss that needs to be recouped. The Earned Income Tax Credit, which can reduce the taxes such workers owe by up to approxinately $4,000, is an excellent start, but still more improvement is needed. Greater credits or deductions should be available in the form of "overtime" to those who work more than one job (as long as one of the jobs is full-time at 40 hours per week). The percentages and particulars should be left to the experts, just as the construction of the Tabernacle was left to expert craftsmen, but a solution is possible.
In the end, this credit or deduction would not be able to buy back the days of rest that such workers go without. But it would save them money that would otherwise be spent on overwhelming expenses, and that could lead to some days of rest down the line.
I know a few important people in my life who work too hard. They have their reasons for it, but it's not pleasant to know that they have to do it. One of these people picked an industry that is not regulated by any government entity, and is free to permit obscenely low pay, or no pay, to those who choose to attempt a career. Another one of these people happens to work many hours of blood, sweat, and tears to do what is needed, but is sometimes left at the mercy of "this economy." Some manage to "not let it bother them" (not on the outside, anyway), but others lash out in frustration and resentment at anyone else who rubs them the wrong way.
What's my solution? I didn't read "The Communist Manifesto" by Karl Marx, but I did read "Nickled and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich. I do know a thing or two about the plight of the working poor, and the scant opportunities for peace and harmony it provides. Accordingly, along with the credits I outlined above, all industries (even ones that try to have their labor designated as something other than "employees"), need to allow their labor one day off, paid if possible, no matter what! I don't care if it's welding, law enforcement, medicine, law, or entertainment. All work and no play makes Jack not only dull, but frustrated, depressed, and sometimes unapproachable!
Feel free to comment, especially if you have a day off today!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Travelling Far
One perk of my job is that it gives me the opportunity to visit far-away places, rather than only the city where the office is located. I enjoy doing it for several reasons:
(1) It shows our client that we are willing to go anywhere and everywhere our firm is needed to provide the best representation. Many are rewarded for going the "extra mile," so why not earn rewards for going an extra 100 miles?
(2) It keeps me stimualted by varying the background and the landscape of my work. Granted, there are many attorneys who become "regulars" because they show up at the same courthouse, day in and day out, for their entire careers. Hats off to them, but why would you want to be a regular at only one venue when you could be recognized and respected in several of them?
(3) It increases my contacts. The more people in other venues know me and respect me, the more valulabe I become, and the more respect I cultivate for my client.
Besides, I'm getting close to accumulating the equivalent of frequent-flyer miles on Amtrak. Can't beat that with a stick!
The downside, of course, is that it takes me away from my wife. She's no housewife or stay-at-home spouse, mind you, she's very active. She is a freelancer in an industry that I won't identify here, but I will say that it brings her a great deal of exposure and fame. I've seen some of her work firsthand, and I have nothing but love and respect for the lady. Point being, she's not lonely, but I know she misses me, as I miss her too.
Fortunately, I'll be back with her tonight, to renew our usual routine. Hon, if you're reading this, please know that I'm thinking about you, OK?
Everyone else, feel free to comment here or on Facebook!
(1) It shows our client that we are willing to go anywhere and everywhere our firm is needed to provide the best representation. Many are rewarded for going the "extra mile," so why not earn rewards for going an extra 100 miles?
(2) It keeps me stimualted by varying the background and the landscape of my work. Granted, there are many attorneys who become "regulars" because they show up at the same courthouse, day in and day out, for their entire careers. Hats off to them, but why would you want to be a regular at only one venue when you could be recognized and respected in several of them?
(3) It increases my contacts. The more people in other venues know me and respect me, the more valulabe I become, and the more respect I cultivate for my client.
Besides, I'm getting close to accumulating the equivalent of frequent-flyer miles on Amtrak. Can't beat that with a stick!
The downside, of course, is that it takes me away from my wife. She's no housewife or stay-at-home spouse, mind you, she's very active. She is a freelancer in an industry that I won't identify here, but I will say that it brings her a great deal of exposure and fame. I've seen some of her work firsthand, and I have nothing but love and respect for the lady. Point being, she's not lonely, but I know she misses me, as I miss her too.
Fortunately, I'll be back with her tonight, to renew our usual routine. Hon, if you're reading this, please know that I'm thinking about you, OK?
Everyone else, feel free to comment here or on Facebook!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
Today, most Americans celebrated a day to honor all mothers. For some, this included breakfast in bed, going out to brunch, or gathering at a family member's house. I'd like to take this time to honor my own mother.
My mom ran a tight ship. She expected homework done every night, even if she had to make us do it. She expected rooms to be clean, even if she had to make us clean them. Most importantly, she expected us to behave according to a "higher standard."
That meant even if every other kid in school had a toy gun, I wouldn't have one. Even if every other kid watched a certain show on TV that she didn't approve of, I wouldn't watch it. And most importantly, even if every other kid had a smart mouth, or had an attitude, and acted like they could get away with whatever they wanted, I couldn't -- because THERE WAS NO GETTING AWAY WITH ANYTHING!
Our family was raised before the era of time-outs, and during a time when children did not rule many households. Rather, it was the PARENTS who ruled the households, and the children learned to follow the rules, and not to break them at will.
I credit my mother with substantial success in that department -- she raised a son who did very well in school, and went on to become a lawyer. She also raised a daughter who knew how to see right through people, how to show compassion to children who needed it most, and how to coach others to their peak physical form. NEITHER of whom failed out of school, broke the law, or expected things to be handed to them.
I am not a parent (yet), but I know that the essence of parenting is to give children roots and wings. Mom gave us both of those for sure -- we learned that we could always turn to her for advice (and we still do), and that we could grow up and advance as adults, achieving anything we chose to achieve.
Thanks, Mom. I know it meant putting up with a lot of nonsense from us, because children are known to do that. Heck, we still do that a little bit as adults, too. But you had the tenacity, the patience, the endurance, and the patience to raise to damn fine people!
We love you!
My mom ran a tight ship. She expected homework done every night, even if she had to make us do it. She expected rooms to be clean, even if she had to make us clean them. Most importantly, she expected us to behave according to a "higher standard."
That meant even if every other kid in school had a toy gun, I wouldn't have one. Even if every other kid watched a certain show on TV that she didn't approve of, I wouldn't watch it. And most importantly, even if every other kid had a smart mouth, or had an attitude, and acted like they could get away with whatever they wanted, I couldn't -- because THERE WAS NO GETTING AWAY WITH ANYTHING!
Our family was raised before the era of time-outs, and during a time when children did not rule many households. Rather, it was the PARENTS who ruled the households, and the children learned to follow the rules, and not to break them at will.
I credit my mother with substantial success in that department -- she raised a son who did very well in school, and went on to become a lawyer. She also raised a daughter who knew how to see right through people, how to show compassion to children who needed it most, and how to coach others to their peak physical form. NEITHER of whom failed out of school, broke the law, or expected things to be handed to them.
I am not a parent (yet), but I know that the essence of parenting is to give children roots and wings. Mom gave us both of those for sure -- we learned that we could always turn to her for advice (and we still do), and that we could grow up and advance as adults, achieving anything we chose to achieve.
Thanks, Mom. I know it meant putting up with a lot of nonsense from us, because children are known to do that. Heck, we still do that a little bit as adults, too. But you had the tenacity, the patience, the endurance, and the patience to raise to damn fine people!
We love you!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Don't Tread On Us!
It doesn't happen every day, but once in a while, our country DOES impress the rest of the world.
Sunday night, just as Celebrity Apprentice was getting interesting, we all got the news. How ironic, Obama got to cut off Trump's show in announcing what may be the greatest victory of his term!
My heart goes out to all my readers who lost someone on the 9/11, or was in some other way affected by that tragic day. Does the dumping of his unholy carcass wipe all of that away? I think not. But it does remind us that a universal truth still does exist -- when you MURDER for an unsunbstantiated charge, when you LAUGH at the victims you leave behind, and when you HIDE for years, thinking you'll just get away with things, without seeking ANY FORM OF ATONEMENT, you deserve whatever punishment G-D deems fit for you. YOU DON'T JUST "GET AWAY WITH IT" BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS DID BEFORE! The gravy train really does come to an end.
Granted, we've all got a price to pay now -- apparently his loyal followers would rather not open their minds to the idea that "oh wait a minute, being an intolerant fanatic really does have consequences, I better chill out before I start attacking the United States." No, they want that date with 72 virgins so bad they can taste it! But do we respond with fear? Should we tiptoe everywhere we go now? Absolutely not! All we have to do is look over our shoulder a little bit to make sure we're still safe. Here in NYC and the surrounding area, we already have police and soldiers on high alert protecting us all. Be wary, yes, but NEVER be afraid. After all, when people are not afraid, how can there be such a thing as "terrorism?"
Don't be afraid to comment, either!
DISCLAIMER: The above opinion does not support murder or terrorism in any fashion. Other than government-endorsed military activity and self-defense, homicide remains a crime.
Sunday night, just as Celebrity Apprentice was getting interesting, we all got the news. How ironic, Obama got to cut off Trump's show in announcing what may be the greatest victory of his term!
My heart goes out to all my readers who lost someone on the 9/11, or was in some other way affected by that tragic day. Does the dumping of his unholy carcass wipe all of that away? I think not. But it does remind us that a universal truth still does exist -- when you MURDER for an unsunbstantiated charge, when you LAUGH at the victims you leave behind, and when you HIDE for years, thinking you'll just get away with things, without seeking ANY FORM OF ATONEMENT, you deserve whatever punishment G-D deems fit for you. YOU DON'T JUST "GET AWAY WITH IT" BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS DID BEFORE! The gravy train really does come to an end.
Granted, we've all got a price to pay now -- apparently his loyal followers would rather not open their minds to the idea that "oh wait a minute, being an intolerant fanatic really does have consequences, I better chill out before I start attacking the United States." No, they want that date with 72 virgins so bad they can taste it! But do we respond with fear? Should we tiptoe everywhere we go now? Absolutely not! All we have to do is look over our shoulder a little bit to make sure we're still safe. Here in NYC and the surrounding area, we already have police and soldiers on high alert protecting us all. Be wary, yes, but NEVER be afraid. After all, when people are not afraid, how can there be such a thing as "terrorism?"
Don't be afraid to comment, either!
DISCLAIMER: The above opinion does not support murder or terrorism in any fashion. Other than government-endorsed military activity and self-defense, homicide remains a crime.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thoughts for Easter
Hey all --
Some of you may remember a little something I posted for Easter back in 2008 on MySpace. I decided to recycle it (with some edits), so here it is!
HOLY WEEK
Christianity celebrates its holiest period of time this week. It commemorates the death and resurrection of Jesus. Many questions have been raised about these events in the past few years, especially in a movie directed by Mel Gibson and a book written by Dan Brown. But rather than discuss them, we only need remember this -- for every loss we suffer and every hit we take, there is always the seed for a new life, a new fortune, and a new beginning.
For example, my father once commented that there should always be a baby at every funeral. I still remember that at every funeral we attended as a family, there would always be a grieving widow or great-aunt, and my father would always come over to that mourner and point her in the direction of the newborn baby someone else would always be holding. That way, he would comfort the grief-stricken by reminding them that even though one life ends, there is always a new one beginning.
I am not in a position to provide a lot of knowledge or insight into the specific events upon which Good Friday and Easter Sunday are based. I can, however, note that even the most tragic and heart-wrenching events of human existence usually signalled the beginning of some of the most joyful and beautiful events to follow.
After the tragic events of September 11, 2001, Americans reached out to each other with nothing less than love and compassion, and our respect and compassion for one another reached new heights. After the Holocaust, the State of Israel was established. And after the MLB players’ strike of 1994 threated to destroy the sport of baseball, the New York Yankees built a dynasty that would dominate the Major Leagues for the next several years!
So it continues -- for every hurt, there is comfort; for every loss, there is gain; and for every death, there is new life again.
Once again, Happy Easter everyone -- by now many of you have finished church and are on your way to a feast of some sort -- enjoy!
Some of you may remember a little something I posted for Easter back in 2008 on MySpace. I decided to recycle it (with some edits), so here it is!
HOLY WEEK
Christianity celebrates its holiest period of time this week. It commemorates the death and resurrection of Jesus. Many questions have been raised about these events in the past few years, especially in a movie directed by Mel Gibson and a book written by Dan Brown. But rather than discuss them, we only need remember this -- for every loss we suffer and every hit we take, there is always the seed for a new life, a new fortune, and a new beginning.
For example, my father once commented that there should always be a baby at every funeral. I still remember that at every funeral we attended as a family, there would always be a grieving widow or great-aunt, and my father would always come over to that mourner and point her in the direction of the newborn baby someone else would always be holding. That way, he would comfort the grief-stricken by reminding them that even though one life ends, there is always a new one beginning.
I am not in a position to provide a lot of knowledge or insight into the specific events upon which Good Friday and Easter Sunday are based. I can, however, note that even the most tragic and heart-wrenching events of human existence usually signalled the beginning of some of the most joyful and beautiful events to follow.
After the tragic events of September 11, 2001, Americans reached out to each other with nothing less than love and compassion, and our respect and compassion for one another reached new heights. After the Holocaust, the State of Israel was established. And after the MLB players’ strike of 1994 threated to destroy the sport of baseball, the New York Yankees built a dynasty that would dominate the Major Leagues for the next several years!
So it continues -- for every hurt, there is comfort; for every loss, there is gain; and for every death, there is new life again.
Once again, Happy Easter everyone -- by now many of you have finished church and are on your way to a feast of some sort -- enjoy!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Feast of the Passover!
Hey all --
I already posted a few things last week about Passover. Now that it'll be upon us tomorrow, I couldn't resist a schmear more!
As I noted in last week's posting, those who observe Passover are treated to two extremes. The first extreme is two back-to-back Seders, or family-style dinners with an ancient festival ritual recited at the table. Not only do we get extreme tradition, we get extreme amounts of food! Matzah-ball soup, kreplach, turkey brisket, matzah stuffing (there is a way to make this, but I'm no Guy Fieri, so I'm not looking to check the ingredients), chocolate macaroons, etc. and so forth!
The other extreme is the rest of the week. Those who observe Passover take it upon themselves to abstain from eating bread, pasta, and numerous other items that are considered "chametz," or leaven (pronounced "choomitz" for the Yiddish-inclined amount us, and "chah-maytz" for the Hebrew afficionados -- there is a difference!) For many of us, our breakfast will consist of matza with a schmear of Temp Tee. Our lunches from the deli will be salads or grilled vegetables. And our dinners will be, you guessed it, leftovers (this is, of course, similar to a double Thanksgiving, so it does happen).
As I said before, this is something that people either do willingly, avoid willingly, or do begrudgingly with a furrowed brow and complaining heart. Not to toot my own horn, but I pride myself in being in "Group A." The positive effects of this custom include weight loss through a somewhat scaled-down diet. Of course, people who know me personally and comment on how I'm "so daaaamn skinny" will tell me that I have no need for such things, since I happen to also be an long-distance runner. Thanks for the compliment, but if I took that advice seriously, I'd be entered in the "Clydesdale" division of every race I ran! :)
I actually do it for a more important reason -- plain old discipline. When we are faced with challenges, which may include uncomfortable or unpleasant situations, we have the choice to say no. But we also have the choice to face it head on, and weather whatever price must be paid, even if it doesn't always feel, or taste, good. After the Jews were freed from slavery in Egypt, they wandered through the desert searching for a home, with not much to sustain them. They complained that they were running out of food to eat, they wailed that their lives were somehow better when they were slaves, and they pointed several thousand fingers at Moses for daring to ensnare them in this trap. Apparently, Moses and/or Aaron did not make it clear to the ex-slaves, or more likely they just didn't listen and think it over, that freedom didn't come for free.
They remembered how the Egyptian taskmasters fed them, while they had barely any food in the desert. No kidding, smart guy, that's because starving slaves weren't able to build pyramids! They fed the slaves for their empire's purposes, not for altruistic or compassionate reasons!
But once the Jews had left Egypt, it was up to them to feed themselves. Their freedom could not be handed to them, it was something that they had to earn, and in the earning, they'd simply have to struggle for some time. And if that meant munching on a half-baked piece of flour and water because they didn't have all night to slooooowly bake it over a fire, then they needed to chow down! And if that meant rationing their provisions until there was a better source of food and water to be found, then they needed to stay hungry and keep looking! And if that meant holding their tongues and not whining about how uncomfortable things got, as some of them would eventually find out to their dismay, some things are better left unsaid!
This is my way of reminding myself of those values -- since freedom isn't free, sacrifices sometimes have to be made. And going without my usual Mongolian grill buffet or Subway sandwich for a week and a day is precious little as sacrifices go. That being said, it's my choice to do it this way -- nobody's forced it on me or enslaved me into doing it -- I've elected to do it for my own reasons!
That being said, the later chapters of Exodus remind us of the Jews' rewards once the built the Tabernacle and found somewhere to dwell -- manna from Heaven! As G-D's reward to the Chosen People once they got their heads on straight and started building a new nation, he gave them free food! And to make sure they'd get the hang of this Sabbath day thing, they got a double portion every Friday so they wouldn't have to collect it on Saturday! And this was goooood stuff too, supposedly it tasted like a pita dipped in honey -- now that's the real deal!
What does this extra message mean? Sacrifice and discipline are rewarded. It might not be the reward you're expecting, but when you stay disciplined, you have a far better chance of reaching your goals, in one way or another. And when I'm able to keep this custom for the full 8 days, I try to reward myself with two (or three) slices of pizza!
But I'll table that thought for later, as the discipline comes before the reward.
"All Who Are Hungry, Let Them Come And Eat." Happy Passover!
DISCLAIMER: The above posting was not written or intended to insult, berate, besmirch, trivialize or belittle the religious practices, or the abstention from same, of any individual, group, association, faith, community, creed, or stripe. Any perceived offense is entirely the perception and the responsibility of the reader of this entry.
I already posted a few things last week about Passover. Now that it'll be upon us tomorrow, I couldn't resist a schmear more!
As I noted in last week's posting, those who observe Passover are treated to two extremes. The first extreme is two back-to-back Seders, or family-style dinners with an ancient festival ritual recited at the table. Not only do we get extreme tradition, we get extreme amounts of food! Matzah-ball soup, kreplach, turkey brisket, matzah stuffing (there is a way to make this, but I'm no Guy Fieri, so I'm not looking to check the ingredients), chocolate macaroons, etc. and so forth!
The other extreme is the rest of the week. Those who observe Passover take it upon themselves to abstain from eating bread, pasta, and numerous other items that are considered "chametz," or leaven (pronounced "choomitz" for the Yiddish-inclined amount us, and "chah-maytz" for the Hebrew afficionados -- there is a difference!) For many of us, our breakfast will consist of matza with a schmear of Temp Tee. Our lunches from the deli will be salads or grilled vegetables. And our dinners will be, you guessed it, leftovers (this is, of course, similar to a double Thanksgiving, so it does happen).
As I said before, this is something that people either do willingly, avoid willingly, or do begrudgingly with a furrowed brow and complaining heart. Not to toot my own horn, but I pride myself in being in "Group A." The positive effects of this custom include weight loss through a somewhat scaled-down diet. Of course, people who know me personally and comment on how I'm "so daaaamn skinny" will tell me that I have no need for such things, since I happen to also be an long-distance runner. Thanks for the compliment, but if I took that advice seriously, I'd be entered in the "Clydesdale" division of every race I ran! :)
I actually do it for a more important reason -- plain old discipline. When we are faced with challenges, which may include uncomfortable or unpleasant situations, we have the choice to say no. But we also have the choice to face it head on, and weather whatever price must be paid, even if it doesn't always feel, or taste, good. After the Jews were freed from slavery in Egypt, they wandered through the desert searching for a home, with not much to sustain them. They complained that they were running out of food to eat, they wailed that their lives were somehow better when they were slaves, and they pointed several thousand fingers at Moses for daring to ensnare them in this trap. Apparently, Moses and/or Aaron did not make it clear to the ex-slaves, or more likely they just didn't listen and think it over, that freedom didn't come for free.
They remembered how the Egyptian taskmasters fed them, while they had barely any food in the desert. No kidding, smart guy, that's because starving slaves weren't able to build pyramids! They fed the slaves for their empire's purposes, not for altruistic or compassionate reasons!
But once the Jews had left Egypt, it was up to them to feed themselves. Their freedom could not be handed to them, it was something that they had to earn, and in the earning, they'd simply have to struggle for some time. And if that meant munching on a half-baked piece of flour and water because they didn't have all night to slooooowly bake it over a fire, then they needed to chow down! And if that meant rationing their provisions until there was a better source of food and water to be found, then they needed to stay hungry and keep looking! And if that meant holding their tongues and not whining about how uncomfortable things got, as some of them would eventually find out to their dismay, some things are better left unsaid!
This is my way of reminding myself of those values -- since freedom isn't free, sacrifices sometimes have to be made. And going without my usual Mongolian grill buffet or Subway sandwich for a week and a day is precious little as sacrifices go. That being said, it's my choice to do it this way -- nobody's forced it on me or enslaved me into doing it -- I've elected to do it for my own reasons!
That being said, the later chapters of Exodus remind us of the Jews' rewards once the built the Tabernacle and found somewhere to dwell -- manna from Heaven! As G-D's reward to the Chosen People once they got their heads on straight and started building a new nation, he gave them free food! And to make sure they'd get the hang of this Sabbath day thing, they got a double portion every Friday so they wouldn't have to collect it on Saturday! And this was goooood stuff too, supposedly it tasted like a pita dipped in honey -- now that's the real deal!
What does this extra message mean? Sacrifice and discipline are rewarded. It might not be the reward you're expecting, but when you stay disciplined, you have a far better chance of reaching your goals, in one way or another. And when I'm able to keep this custom for the full 8 days, I try to reward myself with two (or three) slices of pizza!
But I'll table that thought for later, as the discipline comes before the reward.
"All Who Are Hungry, Let Them Come And Eat." Happy Passover!
DISCLAIMER: The above posting was not written or intended to insult, berate, besmirch, trivialize or belittle the religious practices, or the abstention from same, of any individual, group, association, faith, community, creed, or stripe. Any perceived offense is entirely the perception and the responsibility of the reader of this entry.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
All In The Family . . . .
Next week is a special time for the family, Passover. I'll be spending it with my family both Seder nights (with the aid of some interesting travel plans), and it'll bring back a few memories.
When I was a kid, my Mom was the Hostess With the Mostest! Or as my sister would sometimes call her, the Mitzvah Mommy! I can still remember the smell of her Matzah Ball Soup, her chicken, her brisket, her special matzah stuffing (there's a way this can be done without bread, though I hesitate to ask), and "all the trimminings." I also had a wise old grandfather from the old country (every family should still have at least one of these) who lent some old-school authenticity to the proceedings.
Not everyone in the Tribe is always so enthusiastic about Passover. Traditionally, there are many dietary laws that Jews have kept since the Exodus itself. For example, no bread, because Moses and the Israelites didn't have time to let the bread bake (meaning, slowly baking on a fire overnight so it would rise), so they took "unleavened bread" to eat on the way out of Egypt. So instead, we eat matzah -- those of us in the know realize that it's not supposed to taste amazingly good, but so many people who aren't Jewish always ask for a taste, since they may think of it as exotic cuisine! Also, no pasta, and depending on where in Europe ones' ancestors came from, no beans or rice either.
Also, the Seder I speak about means that the dinner for Passover is given in the form of a ritual. Blessings to say over parts of the meal, old-time Hebrew songs to sing, and everyone gets to read a page going around the table. Much to my grandmother's chagrin, she always got stuck reading a page containing the ancient passage, "I Once Was Young, Now I Am Old!"
Some of my Brethren completely reject these old-school ways, while some of them keep them. And then some keep them and complain, murmur, and whine about how much they don't like it.
To those of the third category, I say this: If doing without elements of your diet for one week, and reading from an old religious text at your dinner table is that much of a hardship for you, do yourself, and everyone else a favor, and stop doing it. Really, please! People already know that keeping non-mainstream religious practices are uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant. People also already know that they don't always fit with regular mainstream activities. But when people hear anybody of any particular faith or stripe making a half-hearted attempt to keep a tradition while simultaneously rejecting it, they lose respect for it and you. They'll think you're not genuine, and that you're not credible. And that's a lot harder to stomach than the Missing Afikoman!
So for those of you spending Passover with pizza and beer, don't let me stop you. I'm no Talmudic scholar, I have no right to judge your beliefs or your practices, and I won't.
For those of you keeping Passover, I tip my hat to you, and respect that you honor tradition.
But for those of you complaining about keeping it, you're doing yourselves a disservice. Nobody's forcing you to do it if you hate it so much, so stop. If G-D has a problem with it, He will tell you, and nobody else will.
Maybe you're an intellectual who can prove for all of us clueless religious types that G-D doesn't exist, and you feel the need to flaunt it in the faces of family members who think differently. Maybe you have bad memories of Seders gone by, when you had to just sit still and listen to things that didn't appeal to you. Or maybe it just didn't fit with who you were and are. That's valid, except for the "flaunting in the face" part -- so why keep doing it if you don't like it?
A family guilt trip, maybe? A misguided notion that a half-hearted tradition is better than none at all? Or maybe because the majority of the household is "appeasing" a single member who wants these traditions when nobody else does? NOT valid reasons. Any scroll or text from any faith will tell you that inviting G-D into your house begrudgingly doesn't work. If you hate it, don't do it, case closed. You'll get tons more respect that way.
DISCLAIMER: The above post was not meant to cast aspersions or judgment on any individual person, known or unknown, living or dead. Any offense taken by the above post is purely the perception and the responsibility of the reader.
When I was a kid, my Mom was the Hostess With the Mostest! Or as my sister would sometimes call her, the Mitzvah Mommy! I can still remember the smell of her Matzah Ball Soup, her chicken, her brisket, her special matzah stuffing (there's a way this can be done without bread, though I hesitate to ask), and "all the trimminings." I also had a wise old grandfather from the old country (every family should still have at least one of these) who lent some old-school authenticity to the proceedings.
Not everyone in the Tribe is always so enthusiastic about Passover. Traditionally, there are many dietary laws that Jews have kept since the Exodus itself. For example, no bread, because Moses and the Israelites didn't have time to let the bread bake (meaning, slowly baking on a fire overnight so it would rise), so they took "unleavened bread" to eat on the way out of Egypt. So instead, we eat matzah -- those of us in the know realize that it's not supposed to taste amazingly good, but so many people who aren't Jewish always ask for a taste, since they may think of it as exotic cuisine! Also, no pasta, and depending on where in Europe ones' ancestors came from, no beans or rice either.
Also, the Seder I speak about means that the dinner for Passover is given in the form of a ritual. Blessings to say over parts of the meal, old-time Hebrew songs to sing, and everyone gets to read a page going around the table. Much to my grandmother's chagrin, she always got stuck reading a page containing the ancient passage, "I Once Was Young, Now I Am Old!"
Some of my Brethren completely reject these old-school ways, while some of them keep them. And then some keep them and complain, murmur, and whine about how much they don't like it.
To those of the third category, I say this: If doing without elements of your diet for one week, and reading from an old religious text at your dinner table is that much of a hardship for you, do yourself, and everyone else a favor, and stop doing it. Really, please! People already know that keeping non-mainstream religious practices are uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant. People also already know that they don't always fit with regular mainstream activities. But when people hear anybody of any particular faith or stripe making a half-hearted attempt to keep a tradition while simultaneously rejecting it, they lose respect for it and you. They'll think you're not genuine, and that you're not credible. And that's a lot harder to stomach than the Missing Afikoman!
So for those of you spending Passover with pizza and beer, don't let me stop you. I'm no Talmudic scholar, I have no right to judge your beliefs or your practices, and I won't.
For those of you keeping Passover, I tip my hat to you, and respect that you honor tradition.
But for those of you complaining about keeping it, you're doing yourselves a disservice. Nobody's forcing you to do it if you hate it so much, so stop. If G-D has a problem with it, He will tell you, and nobody else will.
Maybe you're an intellectual who can prove for all of us clueless religious types that G-D doesn't exist, and you feel the need to flaunt it in the faces of family members who think differently. Maybe you have bad memories of Seders gone by, when you had to just sit still and listen to things that didn't appeal to you. Or maybe it just didn't fit with who you were and are. That's valid, except for the "flaunting in the face" part -- so why keep doing it if you don't like it?
A family guilt trip, maybe? A misguided notion that a half-hearted tradition is better than none at all? Or maybe because the majority of the household is "appeasing" a single member who wants these traditions when nobody else does? NOT valid reasons. Any scroll or text from any faith will tell you that inviting G-D into your house begrudgingly doesn't work. If you hate it, don't do it, case closed. You'll get tons more respect that way.
DISCLAIMER: The above post was not meant to cast aspersions or judgment on any individual person, known or unknown, living or dead. Any offense taken by the above post is purely the perception and the responsibility of the reader.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A Friend's Wedding
Hey folks -- since I started a new blog recently, FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN, I've been away from this one for a few weeks. But now I'm back, and I'd like to share some new thoughts.
Last night, The Lady and I attended the wedding of a good friend of mine. The ceremony was unique -- it was a civil ceremony performed by a Judge. As part of the ceremony, he had hte bride and groom use a laptop to formally change their statuses on Facebook! Made me laugh -- when I was a teenager, I assisted my father, who was a wedding photographer, and we'd seen all different kinds of weddings, but I'd never seen that before! A sign of the times, no doubt.
Then The Lady and I had the privilege of sitting with a married couple who I've been friends with for years, and their two boys. The younger of the boys is my godson, whom I've posted about before -- like I said, it's even more fun playing with a 3-year-old kid with a mohawk!
I've posted before about how much I missed my Long Island friends -- not long before I met my wife, we hung out every single weekend. I usually had a long run on a Saturday morning, but I'd still see them at a local karaoke joint on Friday night -- I'd cut out on the early side, but I always wanted to see them. And nearly every Sunday night, my friend's wife would cook up a Sunday dinner that any Iron Chef contestant would envy!
But after meeting my wife, and moving off Long Island, I saw them less and less. I did what I could to be part of their lives under the circumstances, but there was a little bit of resentment. They never really said anything negative to me, but I could see that they weren't totally happy. It probably felt like I was leaving them behind after I'd found someone to marry, as if they were some kind of "chopped liver" getting passed over for the main course.
I'd like to think that seeing them at the wedding might have made things a little better. My wife was not always able to come with me to their house for Sunday dinner, but she was with me for this shindig, and we both had the chance to really just enjoy ourselves with my friends and the kids. Before the wedding, my friends did not really know much about my wife, but that may have changed somewhat now. I'd like to think that after this, I could invite the crew to our place, and spend a day in the City with them all. My wife is often busy rehearsing, teaching, or coaching on Sunday nights, but I think I could get her to come with me to the crew's house once or twice!
More importantly than building bridges with the important grown-ups in my life, I was reminded again that I do have an obligation as a godfather. Although the wedding had a civil ceremony, one of the bride's relatives was called upon to give an invocation before the meal. Since one spouse was Catholic and one was Protestant, the bride's brother showed love and harmony for all gatherered there by leading the entire group in a recitation of the "Our Father," a prayer shared by both faiths. My wife and I were not adherents of either religion, so at first I was not going to say it. Then I saw my godson's older brother seated next to me just wondering why he had to stand up and not eat. Although my godson was on the other side of the table with his parents, and couldn't hear me, I started whispering the words to "Our Father" in his brother's ear, to get him to follow along.
Not the most amazing, snazzy-jazzy thing in the world, of course. I just realized that it was a good idea to remind him to ask G-D to "give us this day our daily bread" before devouring it, even though the catering staff would have quickly given him another roll anyway. As both boys get older, my visits should probably include a few minutes of basic ethical and spiritual reminders. Maybe a little tiny bit about my religion, but it should be a bit more about their own. At the ages of 6 and 3, they're too little to understand what it's all about now, but soon they'll be old enough to listen. And that's when I hope I'll make a better impact on their lives, as well as the lives of their parents, and the rest of their Long Island family.
So here's to reconnecting and tightening bonds, people -- hope you all do likewise!
Last night, The Lady and I attended the wedding of a good friend of mine. The ceremony was unique -- it was a civil ceremony performed by a Judge. As part of the ceremony, he had hte bride and groom use a laptop to formally change their statuses on Facebook! Made me laugh -- when I was a teenager, I assisted my father, who was a wedding photographer, and we'd seen all different kinds of weddings, but I'd never seen that before! A sign of the times, no doubt.
Then The Lady and I had the privilege of sitting with a married couple who I've been friends with for years, and their two boys. The younger of the boys is my godson, whom I've posted about before -- like I said, it's even more fun playing with a 3-year-old kid with a mohawk!
I've posted before about how much I missed my Long Island friends -- not long before I met my wife, we hung out every single weekend. I usually had a long run on a Saturday morning, but I'd still see them at a local karaoke joint on Friday night -- I'd cut out on the early side, but I always wanted to see them. And nearly every Sunday night, my friend's wife would cook up a Sunday dinner that any Iron Chef contestant would envy!
But after meeting my wife, and moving off Long Island, I saw them less and less. I did what I could to be part of their lives under the circumstances, but there was a little bit of resentment. They never really said anything negative to me, but I could see that they weren't totally happy. It probably felt like I was leaving them behind after I'd found someone to marry, as if they were some kind of "chopped liver" getting passed over for the main course.
I'd like to think that seeing them at the wedding might have made things a little better. My wife was not always able to come with me to their house for Sunday dinner, but she was with me for this shindig, and we both had the chance to really just enjoy ourselves with my friends and the kids. Before the wedding, my friends did not really know much about my wife, but that may have changed somewhat now. I'd like to think that after this, I could invite the crew to our place, and spend a day in the City with them all. My wife is often busy rehearsing, teaching, or coaching on Sunday nights, but I think I could get her to come with me to the crew's house once or twice!
More importantly than building bridges with the important grown-ups in my life, I was reminded again that I do have an obligation as a godfather. Although the wedding had a civil ceremony, one of the bride's relatives was called upon to give an invocation before the meal. Since one spouse was Catholic and one was Protestant, the bride's brother showed love and harmony for all gatherered there by leading the entire group in a recitation of the "Our Father," a prayer shared by both faiths. My wife and I were not adherents of either religion, so at first I was not going to say it. Then I saw my godson's older brother seated next to me just wondering why he had to stand up and not eat. Although my godson was on the other side of the table with his parents, and couldn't hear me, I started whispering the words to "Our Father" in his brother's ear, to get him to follow along.
Not the most amazing, snazzy-jazzy thing in the world, of course. I just realized that it was a good idea to remind him to ask G-D to "give us this day our daily bread" before devouring it, even though the catering staff would have quickly given him another roll anyway. As both boys get older, my visits should probably include a few minutes of basic ethical and spiritual reminders. Maybe a little tiny bit about my religion, but it should be a bit more about their own. At the ages of 6 and 3, they're too little to understand what it's all about now, but soon they'll be old enough to listen. And that's when I hope I'll make a better impact on their lives, as well as the lives of their parents, and the rest of their Long Island family.
So here's to reconnecting and tightening bonds, people -- hope you all do likewise!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine's Day
For most of my life, I called this holiday "Black [Insert Day of Week Here]." It just happened that most of my relationships just weren't in progress on this particular holiday, which may have originated as a Saint's day by the Catholic Church, and evolved into First Quarter Profits for Hallmark and its competitors.
However, there are two Valentine's Days in my life that were particularly significant. One was February 14, 2009, the night my wife and I became engaged, and the second was celebrated last night.
Two years ago, plans were set in motion. OK, not set that in motion, because I was not a very organized man back then. I had an idea of a restaurant, a romantic carriage ride, and a visit to the second-highest observatory in NYC, the Top Of The Rock. Once we arrived, my lady remarked that carriage ride would be too slow and somewhat odorous, and she was interested in a slightly different choice of restaurant. As luck would have it, this other choice had a table available, and we made use of it. The red wind risotto we enjoyed has now become an annual tradition for us.
The part of my plan that could not be changed was the visit to the Top. After viewing the Manhattan skyline from two of the four angles, and posing for the souvenir photo, I beckoned my wife-to-be to a corner of the deck. She faced back towards the building while I faced out towards the City. I got down on one knee with the ring, and I felt wind rushing past my ears.
My inner voice said, "Holy Crow, Allweiss, this isn't a work. This is for real! You're really getting engaged now! Who woulda thunk it!" Although my wife and I both knew quite well what the question and answer would be, I asked her to marry me, and she said "Of course!"
She had indicated to me that she had always wanted to get engaged on Valentine's Day, but that she didn't want it to be done publicly -- nothing on the JumboTron at a hockey game, although that is the sport we both live. So I tried to keep the proposal out of sight, but there were a few observers who applauded our special moment. That was fine with us though -- we had a nightcap at the Algonquin Hotel, and then took the long drive back to Princeton, NJ.
This year, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, a Monday. However, my wife and I decided to celebrate the holiday, as well as the second anniversary or our engagement by re-visiting that fine Italian bistro she discovered. Beforehand, I had tried to show how my organizational skills had improved by arranging for gifts, flowers, and chocolate that I knew she'd love. At the restaurant, our red wine risotto was not on the menu. However, the head waitress, willing to please, told us she'd have the kitchen make it for us anyway. So we shared it, as well as a perfect gnocchi dish.
During our meal, we met a nice couple of tourists from Cincinnati who remarked that they'd need to order that risotto next time they visited this bistro. During our conversation, we explained that this was an anniversary of sorts for us. Having been all ears that evening, the head waitress later brought us a tiramisu, compliments of the chef, with a candle burning. Clearly, dessert was spoken for, and we wouldn't need more at the Algonquin.
So we returned to the Algonquin for coffee and tea, and finished our night. At home, my wife arrived to a vase filled with a dozen red roses and a teddy bear on the table. I presented her with a box of Godiva chocolates and other gifts, and she did likewise for me. I'd gotten everything right this time, and so did she. We affirmed our feelings for one another, and felt even better than that night we'd gotten engaged.
My wife and I are extraordinarily busy people. I sometimes refer to the pace of our lives as "Gottagohere, Gottagothere, Gottagogottagogottgo Right Now!" I've been on top of a new account for our firm that has become bigger and stronger, and my lady has been making a name for herself as an acting coach for the many young people who come to NYC to prove themselves in musical theater. Both of these endeavors leave little time to simply enjoy life, but last night we made the time. I only wish we could make this kind of time more often, because when we do, all our cares and troubles seem to melt away into the background, rather than us seeming to melt into our cares and troubles.
For the time being, it seems that the lady and I will have to work long and hard hours doing what we do. There's nothing wrong with that, since hard work is often its own reward. That being said, we need more time for ourselves and each other to stay human. That's one of several reasons why I seek to monetize a blog and earn profit from it. Unfortuantely, the powers that be at Google AdSense recently deactivated my ad feeds, so I cannot earn a profit from this particular blog. If anyone out there is willing to point me in a direction that would remedy this situation, feel free to comment!
Oh well -- until the two of us find the additional security we seek, we'll keep toiling away, knowing that at the end of every day, we're there for each other. We start every day together, and we end every evening together too. It's the little things that remind us that we're still people after all.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
However, there are two Valentine's Days in my life that were particularly significant. One was February 14, 2009, the night my wife and I became engaged, and the second was celebrated last night.
Two years ago, plans were set in motion. OK, not set that in motion, because I was not a very organized man back then. I had an idea of a restaurant, a romantic carriage ride, and a visit to the second-highest observatory in NYC, the Top Of The Rock. Once we arrived, my lady remarked that carriage ride would be too slow and somewhat odorous, and she was interested in a slightly different choice of restaurant. As luck would have it, this other choice had a table available, and we made use of it. The red wind risotto we enjoyed has now become an annual tradition for us.
The part of my plan that could not be changed was the visit to the Top. After viewing the Manhattan skyline from two of the four angles, and posing for the souvenir photo, I beckoned my wife-to-be to a corner of the deck. She faced back towards the building while I faced out towards the City. I got down on one knee with the ring, and I felt wind rushing past my ears.
My inner voice said, "Holy Crow, Allweiss, this isn't a work. This is for real! You're really getting engaged now! Who woulda thunk it!" Although my wife and I both knew quite well what the question and answer would be, I asked her to marry me, and she said "Of course!"
She had indicated to me that she had always wanted to get engaged on Valentine's Day, but that she didn't want it to be done publicly -- nothing on the JumboTron at a hockey game, although that is the sport we both live. So I tried to keep the proposal out of sight, but there were a few observers who applauded our special moment. That was fine with us though -- we had a nightcap at the Algonquin Hotel, and then took the long drive back to Princeton, NJ.
This year, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, a Monday. However, my wife and I decided to celebrate the holiday, as well as the second anniversary or our engagement by re-visiting that fine Italian bistro she discovered. Beforehand, I had tried to show how my organizational skills had improved by arranging for gifts, flowers, and chocolate that I knew she'd love. At the restaurant, our red wine risotto was not on the menu. However, the head waitress, willing to please, told us she'd have the kitchen make it for us anyway. So we shared it, as well as a perfect gnocchi dish.
During our meal, we met a nice couple of tourists from Cincinnati who remarked that they'd need to order that risotto next time they visited this bistro. During our conversation, we explained that this was an anniversary of sorts for us. Having been all ears that evening, the head waitress later brought us a tiramisu, compliments of the chef, with a candle burning. Clearly, dessert was spoken for, and we wouldn't need more at the Algonquin.
So we returned to the Algonquin for coffee and tea, and finished our night. At home, my wife arrived to a vase filled with a dozen red roses and a teddy bear on the table. I presented her with a box of Godiva chocolates and other gifts, and she did likewise for me. I'd gotten everything right this time, and so did she. We affirmed our feelings for one another, and felt even better than that night we'd gotten engaged.
My wife and I are extraordinarily busy people. I sometimes refer to the pace of our lives as "Gottagohere, Gottagothere, Gottagogottagogottgo Right Now!" I've been on top of a new account for our firm that has become bigger and stronger, and my lady has been making a name for herself as an acting coach for the many young people who come to NYC to prove themselves in musical theater. Both of these endeavors leave little time to simply enjoy life, but last night we made the time. I only wish we could make this kind of time more often, because when we do, all our cares and troubles seem to melt away into the background, rather than us seeming to melt into our cares and troubles.
For the time being, it seems that the lady and I will have to work long and hard hours doing what we do. There's nothing wrong with that, since hard work is often its own reward. That being said, we need more time for ourselves and each other to stay human. That's one of several reasons why I seek to monetize a blog and earn profit from it. Unfortuantely, the powers that be at Google AdSense recently deactivated my ad feeds, so I cannot earn a profit from this particular blog. If anyone out there is willing to point me in a direction that would remedy this situation, feel free to comment!
Oh well -- until the two of us find the additional security we seek, we'll keep toiling away, knowing that at the end of every day, we're there for each other. We start every day together, and we end every evening together too. It's the little things that remind us that we're still people after all.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Lady I'll Come Home
Dear Lady I've been away too long.
I've bragged and I've boasted, and still got it wrong.
I've traveled the world, but left you behind.
If only I'd stayed, you'd only be too kind.
I was not true to my own self.
Your compassion I left way behind on the shelf.
I aroused conflict and left excuses for hating.
And took it for granted you'd still be there waiting.
As Peer Gynt had Solveig, I wandered around,
While you remained hopeful, but only homebound.
To expect your forgiveness like she gave to him,
Obviously, the prospects are grim.
True, you waited enough, lots more than you needed.
Your expectations I left unheeded.
For the pain that I caused you, you deserve awards.
If only I'd silenced my vocal chords.
But I promise you, Lady, I will return.
What's left of the old me is sealed in an urn.
I'll restore the respect and happiness we knew.
Your joy will be great and your grievances few.
But believe and trust me, I'll make it right!
Where there was darkness, I'll bring new light!
I'll make you my Queen, and me your good Squire!
I'll fulfill all that your Heart may Desire!
I've bragged and I've boasted, and still got it wrong.
I've traveled the world, but left you behind.
If only I'd stayed, you'd only be too kind.
I was not true to my own self.
Your compassion I left way behind on the shelf.
I aroused conflict and left excuses for hating.
And took it for granted you'd still be there waiting.
As Peer Gynt had Solveig, I wandered around,
While you remained hopeful, but only homebound.
To expect your forgiveness like she gave to him,
Obviously, the prospects are grim.
True, you waited enough, lots more than you needed.
Your expectations I left unheeded.
For the pain that I caused you, you deserve awards.
If only I'd silenced my vocal chords.
But I promise you, Lady, I will return.
What's left of the old me is sealed in an urn.
I'll restore the respect and happiness we knew.
Your joy will be great and your grievances few.
But believe and trust me, I'll make it right!
Where there was darkness, I'll bring new light!
I'll make you my Queen, and me your good Squire!
I'll fulfill all that your Heart may Desire!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Fanfare for the Common Man
Since I'm still somewhat better communicating my thoughts in writing than I in speaking, I'll follow up the video with a few words.
Everyone secretly roots for the underdog, even though their seasoned judgment usually tells us that they'll rarely win. Such is the case with the Jets.
Don't get me wrong, everyone on this team is an awesome player, that's why they've made the NFL to begin with. But this franchise has had a long history of losing, with the exception of one magical season led by "Broadway Joe" Namath. This could be the team's time to earn some respect after all these years of suffering.
Since I've dusted off the Four Pillars, I might as well apply them to the Jets. The Jets EXIST, and have since 1960. They're often overlooked because the Giants have a longer winning tradition, but now everyone knows they're here, thanks in no small part to the clarion exhortations of Coach Rex Ryan, a man among men who stands up for his team and is not afraid to get loud in the press when it counts. The Jets MATTER, because right now the Giants simply aren't pulling their weight! The Jets BELONG, and they've proven that after slicing and dicing two dominant teams on their way to the AFC Title game. And last but not least, they DESERVE to bring New York a Super Bowl trophy!!!!!!
Like I said on the video, they represent the underdog in us all. Many of us have felt like we were second-best, or worse, in other positions in life. Not making the team in school, not getting the starring role, having work projects reassigned to someone else who is more heavily favored, etc. The best and most effective way to override this is to look for AND FIND a way to WIN.
It doesn't always mean beat someone who was more of a winner than you. The Jets don't have to beat the Giants to be the champs (though some Giant fans may disagree). Likewise, you don't have to jump the co-worker who got more praise than you, or the guy who got your spot on the team -- you just gotta find something that you do even better than they can. Sometimes you have to think outside the box, and sometimes this means you've gotta re-invent things.
And last but not least, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE EVERYONE LIKE YOU! That's the biggest mistake people make. You can get everyone's respect, but it's just not possible for everyone to love you (hopefully your Mom does). Outside NYC and the suburbs, people can't stand the Jets. They think Ryan's full of hot air, and think Sanchez is not yet a star. Let them think it, they still HAVE TO respect Gang Green! Sometimes, getting respect from the proper authorities will mean a decline in popularity. So be it! Expecting everyone in the world to love you is a narcissistic, unrealistic, and impossible expectation. Even if I were Captain Nice, made 10 times my salary, owned an apartment building only for me and the Lady to live in, and gave half of it to charity anyway, people would STILL hate me! What can I do about them, besides avoid those cretins like the plague? Not a daaaamn thing! All I need is respect, not popularity!
JAY! EE! TEE! ESS! JETS! JETS! JETS!
Everyone secretly roots for the underdog, even though their seasoned judgment usually tells us that they'll rarely win. Such is the case with the Jets.
Don't get me wrong, everyone on this team is an awesome player, that's why they've made the NFL to begin with. But this franchise has had a long history of losing, with the exception of one magical season led by "Broadway Joe" Namath. This could be the team's time to earn some respect after all these years of suffering.
Since I've dusted off the Four Pillars, I might as well apply them to the Jets. The Jets EXIST, and have since 1960. They're often overlooked because the Giants have a longer winning tradition, but now everyone knows they're here, thanks in no small part to the clarion exhortations of Coach Rex Ryan, a man among men who stands up for his team and is not afraid to get loud in the press when it counts. The Jets MATTER, because right now the Giants simply aren't pulling their weight! The Jets BELONG, and they've proven that after slicing and dicing two dominant teams on their way to the AFC Title game. And last but not least, they DESERVE to bring New York a Super Bowl trophy!!!!!!
Like I said on the video, they represent the underdog in us all. Many of us have felt like we were second-best, or worse, in other positions in life. Not making the team in school, not getting the starring role, having work projects reassigned to someone else who is more heavily favored, etc. The best and most effective way to override this is to look for AND FIND a way to WIN.
It doesn't always mean beat someone who was more of a winner than you. The Jets don't have to beat the Giants to be the champs (though some Giant fans may disagree). Likewise, you don't have to jump the co-worker who got more praise than you, or the guy who got your spot on the team -- you just gotta find something that you do even better than they can. Sometimes you have to think outside the box, and sometimes this means you've gotta re-invent things.
And last but not least, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE EVERYONE LIKE YOU! That's the biggest mistake people make. You can get everyone's respect, but it's just not possible for everyone to love you (hopefully your Mom does). Outside NYC and the suburbs, people can't stand the Jets. They think Ryan's full of hot air, and think Sanchez is not yet a star. Let them think it, they still HAVE TO respect Gang Green! Sometimes, getting respect from the proper authorities will mean a decline in popularity. So be it! Expecting everyone in the world to love you is a narcissistic, unrealistic, and impossible expectation. Even if I were Captain Nice, made 10 times my salary, owned an apartment building only for me and the Lady to live in, and gave half of it to charity anyway, people would STILL hate me! What can I do about them, besides avoid those cretins like the plague? Not a daaaamn thing! All I need is respect, not popularity!
JAY! EE! TEE! ESS! JETS! JETS! JETS!
Monday, January 17, 2011
One Man With A Dream
Today we honor the birthday and celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King was one of those rare men who rise above human nature and its many weaknesses to bring about real change.
He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie. Most chose to accept it, because "that's the way it is." Some of my detractors may find this mantra somewhat familiar, as it is monotonous, but obscenely easy to adopt. Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.
The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots. Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man. As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.
When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account. At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it. Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it! For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.
Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!" He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing. He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him. He also proved that when complaining to a government does not get the desired result, actions that bring about that government's attention, that take away some of that government's assumed power, actually can bring about that result!
Got a bully in your personal life? Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It may feel easier for you to just "let it go," because that person has "always been that way." I'll be discussing in a later post, it's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they've simply never faced consequences for their behavior. Once they hear those consequences, loud and clear, they will (hopefully) get the message that screwing with other people all the time is not a divine right bestowed upon them.
It may also feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak. As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes. Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker! Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!
My suggestion? Use the power of "NO." Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles? Say "NO" to the entire conversation. The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject. In fact, start talking about something that you enjoy that makes them look stupid! Dr. King may have never debated someone like Jesse Helms, but if he had, he'd probably run rings around him this way!
Is this person an expert on finance, who wants to show you up for your lack of knowledge in that field? Check his or her weakness, and open it up! Chances are, you may know how long David Lee Roth was in Van Halen, and which songs were better, and he or she won't know anything from anybody about that subject. Why should he or she be the only expert in the room? Do they like pointing out that you didn't read The Great Gatsby in high school? Screw their snooty stuck-up prep-school attitude! Ask them if they ever read Bless The Beasts And Children or The Outsiders! Or better yet, ask them if they ever wrote a story as toweringn and as magnificent as the book they read! Just make sure you only ask questions that you already know the answers to -- one false move and they'll smell blood! And don't be confrontational and angry about it either -- that only incites these people even more!
Are they maybe yelling at you over something that everyone else knows is B.S.? Maybe because they don't like the shirt you're wearing, when everyone else in the known universe thinks it's just fine the way it is? Or perhaps they don't like the way your eyes get wide when you laugh at something? Maybe they think you're ugly? Or chances are, they just hate you and can't stand the sight of you because you're you?
MLK didn't eliminate hate, but he did severely weaken the power hate has over society. So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power. Start with the Four Pillars I posted some time earlier. Just so you won't have to go back and check, they are:
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!
(yeah, good call -- now how do I respond when these dogs start barking about how much they hate me?)
Turn their hate against them. Do they hate the way you lift one eyebrow like "The Rock" from WWE (now known as Dwayne Johnson)? Never stop doing it. Don't make it obvious like you're instigating something, but don't eliminate it from your repertoire just because they want to be mineholes! (no, that's not the real word I'm going for, but this is a clean blog)
Does it bother them when you advocate some political philosophy that they can't accept. Bring it up. Again and again and again. Cite to reliable authorities to support your position, too. That way you can dare them to say that they're smarter than your sources, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL BE.
And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK. Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but by how you respond to threats and adversity.
Don't forget to comment below!
He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie. Most chose to accept it, because "that's the way it is." Some of my detractors may find this mantra somewhat familiar, as it is monotonous, but obscenely easy to adopt. Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.
The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots. Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man. As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.
When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account. At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it. Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it! For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.
Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!" He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing. He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him. He also proved that when complaining to a government does not get the desired result, actions that bring about that government's attention, that take away some of that government's assumed power, actually can bring about that result!
Got a bully in your personal life? Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It may feel easier for you to just "let it go," because that person has "always been that way." I'll be discussing in a later post, it's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they've simply never faced consequences for their behavior. Once they hear those consequences, loud and clear, they will (hopefully) get the message that screwing with other people all the time is not a divine right bestowed upon them.
It may also feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak. As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes. Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker! Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!
My suggestion? Use the power of "NO." Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles? Say "NO" to the entire conversation. The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject. In fact, start talking about something that you enjoy that makes them look stupid! Dr. King may have never debated someone like Jesse Helms, but if he had, he'd probably run rings around him this way!
Is this person an expert on finance, who wants to show you up for your lack of knowledge in that field? Check his or her weakness, and open it up! Chances are, you may know how long David Lee Roth was in Van Halen, and which songs were better, and he or she won't know anything from anybody about that subject. Why should he or she be the only expert in the room? Do they like pointing out that you didn't read The Great Gatsby in high school? Screw their snooty stuck-up prep-school attitude! Ask them if they ever read Bless The Beasts And Children or The Outsiders! Or better yet, ask them if they ever wrote a story as toweringn and as magnificent as the book they read! Just make sure you only ask questions that you already know the answers to -- one false move and they'll smell blood! And don't be confrontational and angry about it either -- that only incites these people even more!
Are they maybe yelling at you over something that everyone else knows is B.S.? Maybe because they don't like the shirt you're wearing, when everyone else in the known universe thinks it's just fine the way it is? Or perhaps they don't like the way your eyes get wide when you laugh at something? Maybe they think you're ugly? Or chances are, they just hate you and can't stand the sight of you because you're you?
MLK didn't eliminate hate, but he did severely weaken the power hate has over society. So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power. Start with the Four Pillars I posted some time earlier. Just so you won't have to go back and check, they are:
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!
(yeah, good call -- now how do I respond when these dogs start barking about how much they hate me?)
Turn their hate against them. Do they hate the way you lift one eyebrow like "The Rock" from WWE (now known as Dwayne Johnson)? Never stop doing it. Don't make it obvious like you're instigating something, but don't eliminate it from your repertoire just because they want to be mineholes! (no, that's not the real word I'm going for, but this is a clean blog)
Does it bother them when you advocate some political philosophy that they can't accept. Bring it up. Again and again and again. Cite to reliable authorities to support your position, too. That way you can dare them to say that they're smarter than your sources, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL BE.
And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK. Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but by how you respond to threats and adversity.
Don't forget to comment below!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
My Father
Yesterday I heard some distressing news from my Mom. I already knew that Dad had to be taken to the hospital for some sort of stress test, but this took an unexpected turn.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
What Makes A Bully?
Hey all -- this is a post I was working some months ago, and never finished. This post will eventually be imported to my new blog, which will be devoted exclusively to young men and boys with low self-esteem, but let's make this a preview.
WHAT MAKES A BULLY?
They infect childhood. They corrupt business. They spoil dreams. They uproot lives. They divide families.
Who are these people and what makes them that way?!?!?!?!?!?
Some say that the victims bring it on themselves. This is only half true. We all know that victims need to behave with confidence, and not be easily shaken by these cretins, and the chances of them being victimized will decrease.
However, this does NOT legitimize bullying!
(for a contrary viewpoint, I respectfully refer you to http://www.bullies2buddies.com/)
My response? Wrong. It's not OK to behave this way to anyone. So why has it persisted for this long?
(1) Schools. No teacher, principal, or administrator wants to deal with it, no matter how many anti-bullying laws are passed. They always have too many other problems to deal with, they always disregard it as a right of passage, and they always assume that the perpetrators are "just being kids," and they'll grow out of it, while the victims always obviously "asked for it."
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(2) Parents. When a child is never punished for misdeeds, he or she learns that they are not misdeeds after all. Or better yet, sometimes a child is encouraged by the parents to be this way! I still remember someone from elementary school whose parents kept telling him he was the best athlete, that he was on his way to the Olympics, and that everyone else was simply inferior. For him, bullying was as natural as eating and drinking was to everyone else.
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(3) Spouses. When a bully reaches adulthood (and isn't in jail by then), he or she usually finds a significant other who will be docile, passive, "agreeable," and thereby complicit in the continued behavior. It is not true to say that a bully desperately needs a victim to survive -- a bully needs AN ENABLER even more to VALIDATE what they do and say . . . everything they do and say.
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(4) Children. The cycle continues to another generation. Especially if the child is the same gender as the bully, he or she will emulate EXACTLY what that child sees and hears.
NO CONSEQUENCES
If you check what I posted back in February of 2010, you'll see that my message to the world around me is that men and boys must be on guard against low self-esteem. The bully is often the source of this problem. As the author of the site I linked to opines, victims of bullying have work to do to protect themselves and solve their own problems. Blaming and complaining doesn't solve the problem, and I agree with him on this point wholeheartedly. In fact, he has an amazing method of teaching children ways to fix this problem!
Where my fellow blogger is WRONG, however, is in suggesting that the perpetrators are somehow blissfully innocent. IF you derive pleasure from throwing your weight around, and IF you think it's OK for you to screw with people who are somehow weaker than you, and IF your parents have failed to remove this behavior from your repertoire, you are NOT innocent!
So what's to be done with people like this? The question remains . . . .
In the meantime, for those whose children are just sprouting up from the garden (and I use the term loosely), parents need to change their ways a bit. WATCH what you say and do around the little ones. USE DISCRETION in your methods of discipline, and BE CAREFUL what you sweat and what you let go. The world does not need more bullies. So please don't raise them.
Please feel free to comment below.
WHAT MAKES A BULLY?
They infect childhood. They corrupt business. They spoil dreams. They uproot lives. They divide families.
Who are these people and what makes them that way?!?!?!?!?!?
Some say that the victims bring it on themselves. This is only half true. We all know that victims need to behave with confidence, and not be easily shaken by these cretins, and the chances of them being victimized will decrease.
However, this does NOT legitimize bullying!
(for a contrary viewpoint, I respectfully refer you to http://www.bullies2buddies.com/)
My response? Wrong. It's not OK to behave this way to anyone. So why has it persisted for this long?
(1) Schools. No teacher, principal, or administrator wants to deal with it, no matter how many anti-bullying laws are passed. They always have too many other problems to deal with, they always disregard it as a right of passage, and they always assume that the perpetrators are "just being kids," and they'll grow out of it, while the victims always obviously "asked for it."
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(2) Parents. When a child is never punished for misdeeds, he or she learns that they are not misdeeds after all. Or better yet, sometimes a child is encouraged by the parents to be this way! I still remember someone from elementary school whose parents kept telling him he was the best athlete, that he was on his way to the Olympics, and that everyone else was simply inferior. For him, bullying was as natural as eating and drinking was to everyone else.
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(3) Spouses. When a bully reaches adulthood (and isn't in jail by then), he or she usually finds a significant other who will be docile, passive, "agreeable," and thereby complicit in the continued behavior. It is not true to say that a bully desperately needs a victim to survive -- a bully needs AN ENABLER even more to VALIDATE what they do and say . . . everything they do and say.
NO CONSEQUENCES.
(4) Children. The cycle continues to another generation. Especially if the child is the same gender as the bully, he or she will emulate EXACTLY what that child sees and hears.
NO CONSEQUENCES
If you check what I posted back in February of 2010, you'll see that my message to the world around me is that men and boys must be on guard against low self-esteem. The bully is often the source of this problem. As the author of the site I linked to opines, victims of bullying have work to do to protect themselves and solve their own problems. Blaming and complaining doesn't solve the problem, and I agree with him on this point wholeheartedly. In fact, he has an amazing method of teaching children ways to fix this problem!
Where my fellow blogger is WRONG, however, is in suggesting that the perpetrators are somehow blissfully innocent. IF you derive pleasure from throwing your weight around, and IF you think it's OK for you to screw with people who are somehow weaker than you, and IF your parents have failed to remove this behavior from your repertoire, you are NOT innocent!
So what's to be done with people like this? The question remains . . . .
In the meantime, for those whose children are just sprouting up from the garden (and I use the term loosely), parents need to change their ways a bit. WATCH what you say and do around the little ones. USE DISCRETION in your methods of discipline, and BE CAREFUL what you sweat and what you let go. The world does not need more bullies. So please don't raise them.
Please feel free to comment below.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)