They Got It!

Friday was a momentous day in the history of the State of New York.  Homosexuals have now been granted the right to marry, a right possessed by heterosexuals since time immemorial.

As readers of both my blogs are aware, I have been an advocate for those who have faced disparate and unjust treatment.  Accordingly, I'm proud of the New York State Legislature for taking a bold stand and joining a minority of states who have expanded a basic human freedom to those who were previously deprived the same liberties enjoyed by those with a more mainstream preference.

However, as we are loath to remember, with rights come responsibilities.  It's come to my attention that over time, nearly every oppressed minority, once given rights and reparations, has the potential to emulate its oppressors.  And they often do.  This is because they did not understand the responsibilities that came with theire newly-granted rights.

Our friends seek the blessings of marriage so enjoyed by the mainstream population.  However, not every part of marriage is cake and ice cream, so to speak.  Marriage means commitment.  Marriage means responsibility.  Marriage means that a union of two people takes on its own identity, which is often greater than the two indviduals themselves.

Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment.  This is why, when both parties seek to terminate the marriage, it is so difficult, so unpleasant, so merciless, and so expensive. 

While I support the gay community and congratulate it on its new rights, I also seek to offer constructive criticism:  As someone only married for less than a year myself, at an age older than 22, I can tell you that marriage is often something that takes adjustment if you're used to "the way things were" before.  It is a complete lifestyle change, and more than just "a little slip of paper."  You can't just wake up one day, decide you're bored, and show the other person the door.  You also can't just troll around, looking for someone "better," like a job candidate.  You have to at least try to seek compromise, conflict resolution, and look to make the relationship just a little bit better any way you can.  If you've spent the entire earlier part of your life just playing around, looking out for yourself, and not sharing yourself with anyone else, it's a HUGE change.

So hopefully you've celebrated at the Pride Parade today.  Just try to understand that this institution the heterosexual community has that you've wanted for so long is not a gift, a freebie, or a blank check.  It's a responsibility.  A big, huge, responsiblity that you must not attempt unless you know you're ready.  Otherwise, you will lose respect.