You Say You Want a Resolution?

Well, you know . . . . .

(sorry, I couldn't resist)

We all know that they're tough to keep, but here are a few of mine:

(1) I will try to do for others "just because," and not because I expect something in return.

(2) I will try to concentrate on others' positive attributes, and not look for reasons to criticize and malign.

(3) I will try to organize the world and the space around me to accommodate my priorities, and not complaint about a supposedly insurmountable pile of obligations.

(4) I will try to be quick with my humor and my smarts, and not with my temper and my fault-finding.

(5) I will try to create a diet that fits my tastes, my time, and my running endeavors, and not complain that none of my jeans fit because I just "had" to have an extra dessert and couldn't say no.

(6) I will try to focus on this blog I've created for the good it can do, and not give it up because someone decided to tell me that "nobody makes money from these things," and that the source of their knowledge is that "everybody knows that."

(7) I will try to research the ways that my wife and I can acquire wealth, legally and substantially, by our own talents and work ethic, and not merely "scrimp and save."

(8) I will try to accept criticism and graciously, with the wisdom to know the difference between criticism and bullying, and not look to attack anyone who says something that is not sugar-coated and wonderful.

(9) I will try to find the time to everything for my marriage, my job, and my extended family, and not say later that I did not have the time.

(10) I will try to respect everyone, regardless of whether they think or act like me, and not merely condemn and reject those who don't as "annoying" or "weird."

I say try because I'm only human -- I can't guarantee that I will stick with all of these in 2011, but I sure would like to aspire to them.

Anyone else got some resolutions to share? Feel free to place them directly below.

A Happy and Healthy New Year 2011 to all! :)

A White X-Mas!

Yes people, we're now in the midst of the Blizzard of 2010. Here in the NYC area, we're getting POUNDED! And on the Jersey City side of the river, the wind gusts we get off the Hudson River is blowing the snow sideways! I can only imagine how my friends in my native heath of Nassau County, Long Island, are dealing -- I just hope everyone is indoors, safe and sound!

So sad, really. When I was a kid, I would clamor for snow days, as they were so few and far between. I can remember in particular a blizzard that happened when I was in 10th Grade, in the 1987-88 school year. Every SINGLE school district on Long Island closed their schools, but NOT beautiful downtown Baldwin! I remember looking longingly at the high snow drifts outside the window in Ms. Siani's biology class.

(um, Dave, you just admitted you weren't paying attention in class -- Ah, so what, I got a great grade on the Regents anyway!)

Nowadays, as an adult, we dread the snow. Since I'm currently using all my vacation days now in December, since I can't recycle them in 2011, I certainly don't have the chutzpah to wish for a snow day now. Moreover, the managing partner at our firm has repeatedly indicated in mass e-mails that he would never close the firm in situations like this, because these storms tend to pass, or not even happen, when the business week begins. I'm just glad that I have no court appearances tomorrow, and that it's dress-down for the rest of the year (week).

Which means I need to pose a question to you, my faithful readers. My dear wife thinks that it's a good idea for employees with paid vacation time to deliberately take less than the alotted vacation days, otherwise the employer will think the employee is lazy or unmotivated. I think the employee should take them all or most of them, or risk burnout. After all, if it's being offered, take it! Am I right, or is the lady?

COMMENT, as Lionel says, as you see fit.

Yet Another Rebirth!

Yes people, Xmas 2010 has arrived, as the tail end of yet another year of life! I'm happy to take a little trip out to Long Island to see my godson's family & share the holiday with everyone.

Interesting note I didn't put in the last entry about my godson -- the fact that I happen to be Jewish, but was given the honor of being named his godfather according to the customs of the Presbyterian Church. When his parents gave me this honor, I thought to myself briefly, "Is this OK? Am I abandoning something that's part of me? Am I flying the flag of a foreign nation? Is something not right about this?"

I answered myself, NO. This baby's christening is not about me. That day is HIS day, and not mine. It is he who is being baptized in the faith his parents chose, and I'm just agreeing to lend some long-range moral support. And so I did lend it -- at the church, I can remember bellowing my part of he ceremony, so they could hear me in the rear pews, "I WILL, WITH G-D'S HELP!"

(those of you who were at my wedding would witness my continuination of the tradition of bellowing at the altar, when I said "I DO!" and followed up with passionate exhortations of the Hebrew vows.)

And so it goes with tonight's holiday. Growing up as the sole Jewish family on a quiet street in Baldwin, our parents had us share Xmas and Chanukah with neighbors and friends. This year, Chanukah did not directly conicide with Xmas, but the feelings of that holiday extend to all Americans, regardless of faith or stripe. I'm going to play with a bunch of kids who've always made me happy, make them laugh, and remind them that this is a fun, magical time of year!

Down the road, I hope to do what other godparents do -- try to remind him to stay on the straight and narrow. Right now, he's only three, so the only morality he needs to understand is to not fight with his older brother too much. As time goes on, I'll send him a Bible, and sit him down to talk about basic decency & respect. This may be as simple as telling him not to do something just because all the stupid kids at school are doing it, or reminding him that Mom & Dad are not out to get him. Or maybe just lending an ear if he's really got some issues that he doesn't want to tell anyone else. We shall see . . . .

Anyway, I want to plug a common-sense self-help blog that a really admire. Go to howtogetagrip.com, and you'll be astounded! This guy has the best way of saying things, and it's something many of us forget. Definitely check him out, and tell him I sent you!

In the meantime, next week I'll blog about New Year's Resolutions -- the ones I want to keep, and the ones we all should!

Peace on Earth, and Goodwill Towards Men!

My Godson

The next step for the Lady and I will be bringing children into the world. However, we both need to wait some time to have them. My schedule has me working in the office about 12 hours a day every day, since I have to handle and manage all of the cases we have for one particular client. Her schedule has her all over, working 24/7. We need time and room to bring little ones into our lives.

So where can I go to fulfill my paternal impulses and aching need to act silly and goofy? To my godson's house, of course! Those of you who saw my profile on MySpace and Facebook may remember a shot of me carrying a baby -- well, that was him! Now Reigny's 3 years old and he's tons of fun!

First of all, anytime you have a chance to play with a 3-year-old kid who has a mohawk, you know it's gonna be a good time! Now that he's developed a definite personality, and is able to wrestle with his older brother (despite what he gives up in age and size), it's even better! I can teach him to sing the "I'm sorry" song, so he can always get out of trouble with Mom ("I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apologies"), and he repeats everything I tell him!

He even outsmarted me! He kept pointing towards the top of the entertainment center his folks have in the living room, saying he wanted "paper" to draw on. So I look through all of these boxes and containers up there, can't see any paper anywhere! After a while, his Aunt Korri starts cracking up and tells me, "He's trying to play you soooo bad! Those are all the toys that are banned in this house!" Oh well, that's part of my role here as the godfather/unofficial uncle/friendly grown-up -- because I don't make the rules, and I'm not the parent, I can let them "play" me a little bit.

Just makes me wonder what I should do when I am the parent. I want to be someone they'd love and respect, but it's not easy for me to be the bad guy. I still hear plenty of yelling and screaming at that ranch -- it has to be done because kids that young have to be taught right and wrong with some harshness and some discipline. I just don't want to go overboard. A traumatized and emotionally wounded child is a high price to pay to be "in charge" and "in control."

Probably something to look at another day -- but I would like to have one or two little folk while my parents are still alive and can be grandparents. We shall see . . . . .

The Extra Day . . . . .

Leading up to this most American of holidays, a question that my wife and in-laws would repeatedly ask me if I had the day after Thanksgiving off. In response, I'd tell them that I did -- although the courts are open today, my firm is not, therefore there was nothing to worry about in scheduling a week-long vacation.

It just makes me wonder, why isn't Thanksgiving a two-day holiday? At this point, our friends in retail have made today "Black Friday," encouraging people to go shopping in the wee small hours of the morning in order to get a jump on another holiday that's a month away! For everyone who actually did have to work today, it's kind of a pain to do all the shopping at that time of night, and then rush to work with no sleep.

Not that there's anything wrong with getting a jump on the holidays -- since Chanukah is relatively early this year, it actually is a great idea to shop for gifts now for those loved ones who look forward to latkes and applesauce by the light of the menorah. That being said, putting today down as Thanksgiving, Part 2, would allow more people to shop during more feasible hours.

Besides, being Jewish, we're used to having two-day family feasts. Happens every fall with Rosh Hashanah and every spring with Passover -- we just have the first dinner at one relative's house and the second at another relative's house and everyone's happy (to the extent that's possible, of course). Why not just have a little more of the same? Heck, my in-laws have already agreed to a compromise where my folks (this year) have Thanksgiving at their house, and they have an extra Thanksgiving at their house the day after -- soon to alternate each year!

Oh well -- Congress has bigger fish to fry right now, but I'd put this bill in a larger package just to get a few votes.

So I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving, and get ready for the December holidays just around the corner!

A Day Off!

Yes kids, your fearless blogger friend had the first of his several vacation days that he needs to "use or lose" by the end of 2010. Doesn't happen often, I assure you. And yes, there were still a few phone calls related to work that I needed to take. But darn it, I just needed today.

I'm one of those rare people who actually needs a little bit of down time, also known as "alone time," to stay sane. I mean taking the better part of a day with no human contact, watching TV, surfing the net, or reading. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being social, and the joys of conversing with old friends or meeting new people has become quite a luxury as well. But my lady and I have been living a lifestyle that I affectionately refer to as, "Gotta Go Here, Gotta Go There."

There's always some obligation to fulfill, whether it's related to work, family, home, or holidays. It's getting so life simply doesn't slow down when we'd like it to do so the most. Just once in a blue moon, I need time when that's not pressing on me. I know from experience that when I have that type of time, I'm far more relaxed and easygoing, much more clear-headed, and significantly less likely to blow a gasket over any little thing that happens!

Also, there is a small degree of anxiety that's been developing inside me. I have a great job, a great wife, a great place to live, a loving and encouraging extended family, and an AWESOME group of friends, who recently re-painted a house that holds special memories for me. But there is always the feeling that my life could take an unexpected turn. And when there's no time to think this over and discover my own answers, the anxiety grows. When I do have the aforementioned down time to take a good, hard look at myself and my life, the perception seems much less dire.

I wish I had much more time to this . . . I used to be someone who enjoyed long periods of introspection. Jews are always encouraged to do this during the High Holy Days -- do you know anyone who does, though? I've yet to see anyone who meditates, or concentrates, or focuses on their actions and directions during services (I do, however, have fond memories of my mother and grandmother sitting on both sides of me at temple and both leaning over me to talk, thus blocking me from reading the Machzor (prayer book), LOL). In order for me to do that, I'd simply have to be alone - and since our faith encourages community and interaction more than it does solitude, it's a bit more difficult for me to "look inside."

But anytime you have a day off, that's the time to do it. I'd suggest a period of about six to eight hours to just be alone -- it's not only good for authors (and bloggers), but it's such a great way to re-charge! A breather, a break, a chance only to be, and not to do! Days like these are like gold to me.

Now all the moms and dads reading this are thinking (and hopefully preparing to comment) that it's just not possible, and that when you bring children into this world, your alone time will not come back until retirement. I'd respond with the words of Rick Pitino, "Don't tell me you don't have the time. Make the time!" My oldest and most-respected friend, who shares my name, is a father of two who has extended family reside in his house -- yet he still manages to have his alone time -- maybe he can't swing the 6 to 8 hours, but he has a house rule that for 1 or 2 hours every day, nobody can bother him. It's sort of like a father from the '50s who needed to put up his feet and read the paper when he got home from work -- I dare say that works too! If you can't do one day a week, do an hour a day! Anything just to avoid going off the deep end, for real!

We sure need some down time -- I know we'll both have it soon when we visit our parents and grandparents in Florida for Thanksgiving. But I really wish we could have more of this every week. Back during my MySpace days, I quoted from passages in Leviticus that laid the basic framework for a Sabbath day before it was codified in the Ten Commandments. I extolled the virtues of having a day off, and a good friend of mine would comment, lamenting how some people simply can't afford one. Obviously a crying shame, but we should all try to just make some time like my oldest friend does -- if not a day of rest, then several hours of rest spread out over several days might do the trick! How do you think I got energized enough to write this post?

Oh well -- feel free to comment, people -- tomorrow, it's back to the grind for one day, and then the weekend!

Sorry, I'm back now!

Hey, all. Couldn't post this last Sunday because I ran the marathon. After that, I was too pooped to blog!

Also, for the first time in my running career, I didn't take off the week, or even the day, after the race. I would have liked to, but now that I'm married, I can't make these decisions unilaterally. The Lady wanted me to choose vacation days where she would also be free so we could spend them together, hey, can't fault her for that.

Now, about the race. I knew I wasn't going to be true to form this year. Moving to a new apartment and getting married usually take precedence over marathon training. That being said, I still felt a little embarrassed when someone I hadn't seen in over 20 years posted my mediocre time on Facebook. Thanks for the good intentions, but I don't like advertising to the world that I got a slower time than the last marathon I ran.

(just for the record, my PR was at the Philadelphia Marathon in 2008: 3:48!)

I really haven't been running as much as before -- I've even gained a few pounds. For me, that shouldn't be a big deal, but when all of your jeans are size 32, they get a little uncomfortable, LOL

Going back to what I said above, I need to take my vacation days before the end of the year, because my job does not allow me to "recycle" them to the next calendar year. This has been a good year at work, but I've also been working very hard. I'm carrying one client's account on my back, to put it short. I am the workers' compensation master at the office -- I train and counsel all the attorneys who go on my hearings, I give the client the best legal advice they need, and it's earned me some success, which is nice, and some RESPECT, which is better.

Still, good old David needs to "max & relax," like they said back in the day. And when I say relax, that doesn't mean, "Oh boy, let me find a menial household task to perform!" My definition of relaxing is the OPPOSITE of finding more work to do. There are people out there who do not need "me" time or "alone" time, but I AM NOT ONE OF THEM! I need to "veg!" I need to "chill!" I need to just "tune out" for a while -- what's wrong with that?

Haven't studies shown that when you spend time alone doing nothing, you feel refreshed? Isn't that re-charging your batteries? You better believe it is. And if you had a desk at work that looked like mine, you'd want to relax too!

One thing's for sure -- I know we'll both relax when we visit both our parents for Thanksgiving this year! My folks are so great, they practically roll out the red carpet for us!

Well, that's all I got -- and like Lionel says, feel free to comment!

The Year's Running Dry . . . .

Good Eeeeeve-uh-ning. Toniiiiiight is dee niiiiight, ven dee MOOOOOOON is fullll, and all dee creeeeatures of dee night come out, hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, I'm watching the Halloween parade on TV -- after all, it's Sunday night, and the rest of us who are not ghosts and goblins (or just don't have kids) have to get to bed early tonight for work tomorrow.

Next week is the NYC marathon. I've barely trained for it at all -- of course, things like getting married do sometimes take precedence over a training schedule, so I'm sure the running gods will absolve if I'm somewhat less prepared this year. I still was able to do a 20-miler a few weeks ago just by taking it at a sub-commute pace (those of us who ran with Team For Kids and Race With Purpose know what I mean). I'll just have to take it super-super easy this year.

From now on, the odd-numbered years, like next year, will be my "qualifying year." That means, instead of running the NYC, I'll do my 9 qualifying NYRR races (and one volunteering race), spread throughout the year, leaving me free to go on vacation during the summer. During the even-numbered years, I'm training for real. I might not have the time to train with RWP or any other group, but I'll have a program that I'll stick to like mad, a diet that I won't deviate from (except for a post-long run reward). I'm married, and that means I have more responsibilities, but dammit, I'm a runner, and that'll never change! When I don't run at least every other day, my legs get stiff and tight, and my chill/flow/qi/mojo disappears! I need my fix, baby, I'm addicted for life!

And to all my teammates from TFK 2005 & 2006, and RWP 2007 & 2008, good luck to everybody this year who's running NYC! Can't wait to see y'all at Fort Wadsworth, hitting the bridge, cruising through Brooklyn, booking it up First Avenue, and racing through the Park to Tavern On The Green (or whatever it's now called).

Good niiiiight, my children, hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

No More Bullying!

Since the tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi, the issue of bullying has again reared its ugly head. 11 years after Columbine, the bullies that keep our educational institutions in a constant state of chaos have not only gotten more brazen, but they've used the Internet to take their campaign of abuse and mayhem world-class and world-wide.

So who is to blame, anyway? The victims of bullying? There are some psychologists who tell us that victims of bullying need to just shake it off, not let it bother them, and just accept it as a fact of life -- in other words, "just ignore them," like moms used to tell us geeks back in the day. That's good advice, but it doesn't teach bullying that their actions are wrong. If anything, it sometimes makes bullies try even harder to mess around with us. So the victims are not to blame for what's happened.

The schools? Probably, but watch them actually admit that they allow it to happen? Case law in New York states that schools are not "insurers of their students' safety," because they can't monitor every single thing that happens. And if it does happen in front of a teacher or security guard, they look the other way. But does life get better if they actually do get involved, have a few assemblies, and start anti-bullying clubs? Hell no -- those kids get worse and tell the school to kiss off!

You know whose fault this really is? The bullies' parents. This is why these kids think they don't have to treat others with respect. This is why they don't acknowledge that a school has authority over them. This is why they think it's completely normal and natural to cause pain and humiliation of those who are weaker or less intelligent than they are. This is why they have no morals or ethics to speak of, and this is how they get away with it their whole lives. Their parents did not even bother to teach them how to behave.

So message to all those parents out there -- check out what kind of reputation your kids have. Do they take pride in smacking others around? Do they get a kick out of excluding others from their little circle of friends? SIT them down, GET their attention, and explain that this is NOT the way to BEHAVE! The rest of the world at large will thank you for setting a better example!

Now That's Happy, Baby!

This was a pretty good few weeks for me. I attended by 20th anniversary high school reunion, and I turned 30 years old!


Originally, I had decided that I would only attend my 10th reunion and never look back. However, I saw on facebook that it was getting put together, and I figured, what the heck. It stunk that my lady was out of town that weekend because she was teaching some Broadway seminars in Boston, but I'd proudly tell everyone about her. Ironically, her absence was a small blessing in disguise, because she would have had the awkward situation of meeting up with one of my classmates she dated 10 years ago! LOL

But why was I really looking to go there? I wasn't captain of the football team back then, and I sure wasn't a stud or a player. Why go see people 20 years later? Maybe just an opportunity for friendship and respect.

You see, I've done very well since those old days. It made me feel proud to go there and tell people that I'd become an attorney, that I'd run the NYC Marathon several times, and that I had recently gotten married. Quite frankly, I've reached a point in my life where I deserve respect, and it felt good to receive it, especially from those who didn't always give me respect back then.

But enough about me, I'm not just an ego trip! I was also happy to see how well everyone else was doing. My 9th grade crush? She'd landed a great job, still had tons of friends, and had a son who had made her very proud! The class present, most-likely-to guy? He did what he was most-likely-to do! He founded his own company, made a name for himself in educational software, and had a family out west! On top of that, people I almost never spoke to back in the 80's were hangin' out with me the whole time, and it just felt right!

Although we are each responsible for our own feelings of self-worth and whether we have low or high self-esteem, sometimes it's good to have a little reinforcement. No man is an island, after all. Attending a reunion as proof-positive that you're a better person now than you were then is one sure-fire way to reinforce what you're all about!

Quite frankly, that makes me want to make more time for the friends that I still talk to on a regular basis. Since I've moved here to the city with my wife, it's been a bit harder to come out to my old hometown to see a few friends and relatives, but I'm going to make a lot more time for it. Now that I've discovered the magic of Zipcar, I don't really have to depend on mass transit all the time, and I really can just get some wheels to drive out east any time I feel like it! That goes for my friend's family, including my godson and the Queen, my dawwwwwling Sista, and my grandmother, the Nanster! LOL, yes there are nicknames for most of them, my terms of affection, and one day I'm gonna have more of them come over here to see our place!

Oh well -- next week my wife will have the same opportunity. We're going to upstate NY to her old college town for a reunion up there, and we're gonna have a fine time!

The Fast He Wanted.

Hey all. We just finished the 10 Days of Awe. That's the first 10 days of the Jewish calendar, beginning with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur. That's when G-D gives us all an annual audit, encourages us to pray, repent, and be righteous, and then decides whether to extend our "lease on life" for another year. Like the old folks said, "It's tough to be a Jew!"



Anyway, the Rabbi's sermon on Yom Kippur morning really got my attention. He dealt with the differences between Judaism, and its chief competitor, Hedonism. He explained that Hedonism is America's favorite religion, the one that says, if it's a pain in the ass, don't do it. In other words, hedonists say that you should do whatever feels good, for the sake of indulging your own desires, and not do whatever feels bad, because nobody needs to deal with responsibility.



That one hit home with me for a few reasons. Being a guy, I hate housework. I completely and totally despise the act of cleaning or reorganizing a home. If I were a hedonist, I'd never do it, and everyplace I lived would have looked beyond crappy! But, as the rabbi went onto say, there must be some pain in and discomfort in life. Accordingly, even if housework is pain to me, life would be simply unworkable if I never did it.



The rabbi went on to use death as an example. When a loved one passes away, and it hurts at the funeral, and still hurts afterwards, you should be happy, because it proved that you really loved the deceased. Your pain is evidence of that love!



I'm also still awestruck by the two Haftoroth (readings from the Prophets) that are read on Yom Kippur. The first one, from Isaiah, indicates that merely fasting and standing on ceremony is not what G-D wants. The "fast" He wishes to see is feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and otherwise taking action to make this world better. Personally, I fasted, as I always do, but it's clear from that Haftarah that it's not enough for me to wipe any slate clean. That's where this blog comes in. You see, what I wish to do is become a motivational speaker for men and boys with low self-esteem. By encouraging them to overcome whatever obstacles are holding them down, I'd like to think that I really would be giving G-D the fast He wants. Too many men and boys have allowed poor parenting, bullying, and improper aggression to chip away at their self-worth. I know it's gotta stop, and I'm just the guy to do it!



The other side of the coin, as opposed to the right path to forgiveness, is forgiving others. That's why the Book of Jonah is read during the afternoon service on Yom Kippur (before the masses all show up for Ne'ilah, the concluding service, and where it's just the old timers who actually operate the synagogue). Jonah was kind of a lame prophet -- he refuses to prophecy where G-D tells him, so he ends up jeopardizing the ship he escapes on, and lives in a fish's stomach for three days before he's vomited out on dry land. Although he was forgiven for his sins, he refuses to prophecy to the people of Nineveh, because he thinks their city sucks and he wants them to get firebombed by heaven above! He does it anyway, the people repent, and he gets jealous, because he didn't want them to be forgiven!



This kind of obstinance is exactly what the world does not need. Like someone who's so uptight that when someone makes a mistake, and apologizes, that he or she won't accept the apology. Perfect example? This woman from Connecticut who one day, gets a letter from the frat guy who date-raped her in college, who wants to clear his conscience and apologize. What does she do in response? Get him to admit what he did in an e-mail, send the e-mail to the police (the jurisdiction where it happened has no statute of limitations on rape), and had him arrested 23 years after the fact.



Did he sin? Yes, very flagrantly. Is he a bad person? Yes he is. Did he know he was wrong? Yes he did. Did he want to apologize for his crime? Sure shooting. Who the hell was she not to forgive him? And what purpose did she serve to put this ne'er do well in jail two decades after the whole thing happened? Her own selfish desire for revenge, that's what!



If anti-bullying laws were retroactive, maybe I could get back at everyone who bullied me in high school decades after the fact. Would I get the same sympathy she did? Not with this Y chromosome I wouldn't! There was nothing different about her issue. She survived the rape and she moved on. Whatever trauma she felt afterwards could not have been anything more than what she chose to feel.



Don't get me wrong, he was no genius. Had he consulted legal counsel, he would have learned that if he contacted her regarding a crime he committed in a jurisdiction with no statute of limitations, he might be prosecuted for his admissions against interest, and then he could have avoided this whole situation. Still, she could have taken the higher road, forgiven him, and continued to move on with her life. Instead, she was a Jonah for our time, who just couldn't forgive because her hatred and grudges spoke louder than any higher purpose.



DISCLAIMER: Rape is a horrible crime, whether it's committed by a stalker in an alley or the captain of the debate team. It warrants prosecution for a reason. I am in no way defending this man's admitted actions. But I am also in no way defending that woman's mean-spirited, cold, callous, vengeful, selfish, borderline evil actions in suckering him into a criminal conviction more than 20 years after the fact. Legalizing revenge does not legitimize it.



Yes, this woman gave G-D the opposite of the fast He wanted, much like Jonah himself did. Nobody can say that anyone else doesn't deserve forgiveness. None of us is above anyone else.



So that's my take on it all. Feel free to comment, and let's be forgiving towards one another!

September 11, 2001

9 years later, I still remember where I was and what I was doing.

At the time, I was working in-house for a no-fault insurance carrier on Wall Street. I was scheduled to attend two arbitrations in Huntington, Long Island. Physically, I was far removed from what was about to happen, but I still felt the impact.

Driving to Huntington on the Northern State Parkway, I decided to put on Howard Stern. At the time, he was still on 92.3 K-Rock, and not Sirius or XM Radio. Hadn't listened to him in some time, so I wanted a chuckle.

Howard was not joking that morning. He did let through a few asides about how frustrated he was that Pamela Anderson wouldn't hook up with him, but that was NOT the point of that morning's broadcast. People were calling in telling him that two planes had hit the WTC Twin Towers! Some had seen those planes passing overhead, some had seen the actual impact. I didn't understand what this all meant -- hadn't it already been 8 years since something happened to the World Trade Center?

Notwithstanding Howard's stature, I switched to the other stations on the radio -- surely this was either a rebroadcast of the 1993 bombing, or something entirely different. All other radio stations were reporting the same thing -- the Towers were hit, people were jumping out the windows, Muslim extremists were responsible. How the hell was this happening?!?!?!?

I made it to the first arbitration. The arbitrator had the TV news on, showing both towers in flames, yet we proceeded. Headed to the next one, my adversary was there, but the arbitrator was not.

After 20 minutes, she arrived, after pulling her daughter out of school. She explained to us both that she would not be able to adequately decide the arbitration and continued the case, exhorting us both to "go home and be with your families."

Before leaving, we briefly discussed what had just happened. Although it may be the work of terrorist, she said, it might have been an American, like Timothy McVeigh, who was behind this. I disagreed -- one week beforehand, Israel had pulled out of the World Counsel on Racism, and the US had followed suit. I opined that this was most likely the work of some Palestinian extremists who thought they could punish the US for our "Zionist" leanings. I said, "This was an act of war, nothing else. The US simply has to respond to this, or the rest of the world will think we're weak."

I called my Mom and my girlfriend (at the time) to let them know I was OK. Tried calling the office, but the calls wouldn't go through. I couldn't tell if I had to go into the office, but it seemed that just going home would be the best choice under the circumstances.

The traffic was heavier than normal on the parkways that day -- the State Troopers were out in full force. As I proceeded home, the Towers fell. Without the benefit of TV or Internet access (there were no Blackberries back then), I imagined them both falling down to one side, not collapsing in a stack. I began to fear that all of Wall Street had just been taken out.

I also got angry. I began to mutter under my breath, "Who did this? Who the ---- thought they could do this in our country?!?!?! Find them, kill them all, and let G-D sort them out!"

At the time, I still lived with my parents in Baldwin. My mother's birthday was that day, so as planned, we all had Carvel ice cream cake with my aunt, uncle, & grandmother as we watched CNN. By that time, in the evening, they had removed footage that rumored to show people in the West Bank dancing and selling candy, reveling in this lethal blow rendered by their would-be heroes. Damn them.

For the next week, there was no work. Mayor Giuliani had sealed off everything south of 14th Street in Manhattan, and that included my office. I did not know if I still had a job, or if my co-workers were safe.

Later, we learned that the husband of my mother's friend had perished during the attack. He was on the 90th floor of Tower One -- exactly the point of impact where the plane hit. We decided amongst ourselves that he never knew it happened, and we found solace in that thought. A week later, a memorial service was held in his honor at our synagogue -- it was jam-packed to the rafters.

In the following months, nobody hated anyone else. Total strangers would talk to each other on the subway as if there were no boundaries. A respect for the sanctity of life began to permeate everyone's thoughts and actions. At the same time, an enemy named Osama bin Laden, who had already claimed responsibility for the 1998 attack on the U.S.S. Cole, and the U.S. Embassy in Tanzania, appeared to have been the central figure responsible for the attack. he would follow this up with video and audio tapes decrying perceived injustices against the Muslim world, that somehow justified this mass murder. He was being protected by the Taliban, an extremist religious party that bulled Afghanistan into submission, and was a leader in a gang known as Al-Qaeda.

In a more shocking turn of events, after the U.S. began its eventual attack of retaliation against Afghanistan, it was learned that one member of the Taliban was an American citizen named John Walker Lindh. America screamed for his head as a traitor, but he was instead convicted of a lesser sentence.

Looking back, it seemed like a cross between Pearl Harbor and JFK's assassination. Like those both events, 9/11 brought our country together in a time of shared pain, outrage, and chaos. Like both events, our country emerged stronger than before. Admittedly, it did not lead to victory in a just war, and did not serve to lionize the leader of our nation at that time. But it did remind us, the hard way, that life is short and fragile. It awakened us to the reality that others in this world are so easily swayed by inflammatory rhetoric, that they de-value human life. It made us more patriotic, more G-D-fearing, and more wary of who in the world seeks us well or harm.

Now, 9 years later, it appears that we have nearly stooped to the level of our enemies. We have now vilified a religion and a culture that was hijacked by extremists, because it is far easier to paint with a broad brush than with fine strokes. We have abandoned the higher standards of freedom and liberty that our enemies could never comprehend, because it is simply easier to allow hatred spewed by demagogues to guide us in an exercise of groupthink. We wear the blood of the victims as justification for becoming victimizers. Just what exactly are we doing here?

Will they allow churches and synagogues to be built in Mecca. No, they won't -- but why should we be as horrible as they are? Why legitimize their medieval methods by mirroring them? The First Amendment protects the free exercise of religion -- not just your religion and not just mine, but religion, period.

Are you worried about more terrorist acts in that space? The police and military presence already there will prevent that. Are you concerned that Friday services will be an outlet to incite worshippers to attack perceived infidels? Join the club, Israel's had that problem for 60 years -- but again, patrolling that area will ensure that any hate-filled rhetoric will not spill out onto the streetes (at least not from the mosque supporters, anyway).

What we have here is the case of a reaction far exceeding the action. I'm reminded of what happened when the KKK held a mini-rally in lower Manhattan. All those huckleberries did was hold up a sign supporting the KKK while wearing their robes. It was the PROTESTERS who caused trouble, it was the PROTESTERS that caused disorderly conduct, and it was the PROTESTERS who filled the air with hate-filled speech. By doing so, they made the Klansmen look like angels floating down from heaven! They drew you all offside, and you got yourselves penalized!

Learn a lesson, anti-mosque protestors -- you're making yourselves look ridiculous, as did the Klan protesters. You no longer wear the cloak of victim-hood, instead you wear the uniform of vengeance. When we think more and emote less, we prevent such embarrassing episodes from happening. Your hate-filled rhetoric, targeted against a religion that existed more than a thousand years before bin Laden hooked up his dialysis machine, is backfiring badly. Sorry, but you're just not the good guys here. Please be guided accordingly.

The Four Components

As I've grown older and reflected on the course my life has taken, I have realized that every man, in order to survive in to adulthood, must accept and practice the following Four Components of Life:



(1) I Exist.

(2) I Matter.

(3) I Belong.

(4) I Deserve.



I Exist.



It goes without saying that we exist. But this first element is easily taken for granted. There are too many men who fall short of their potential and resign themselves to lowly or insignificant roles in life because they have incorrectly resigned themselves to the role of a "nobody." Someone's son, someone's brother, someone's husband, someone's father. They either stopped trying to attain dreams, or failed to dream new ones, or both.



When boys are small, they are very aware of their existence. In fact, it's what they're most aware of in life. However, when their parents do not fulfill their obligations correctly, these boys learn to believe that they either do not, or should not, exist. Sometimes this happens when a parent complains about his or her lot in life in the presence of that child, about how being a parent is too stressful and/or expensive within the child's earshot, or how he/she "can't take it anymore" because the child, and not the parent's inability to cope, is "driving me crazy." When this is done more often that the occasional outburst, confusion sets in the child's mind. If not corrected in short order, this confusion leads to guilt, doubt, shame, self-loathing, and other emotions that boys should never experience. Otherwise, when that boy becomes a man, after enduring great hardships, he must re-learn the value of his existence, and understand that he is here for a reason, no matter how self-absorbed his former caretakers might have been. Unfortunately, this is sometimes made more difficult when the boy, now a man, finds himself attracting people who treat him the same way as an adult.



I Matter.



Even if such men come to terms with their existence, they still may not be convinced that their existence is relevant. Someone may have told them they were "slow," "underachieving," "learning-disabled," or the worst euphemism of all, "special." They may have their weaknesses shoved in their faces by predatory elements, reinforcing the notion that they are "losers" or "useless." If their strengths are not reinforced during childhood, and their primary caregivers do not provide sufficient positive affirmations to build confidence, the boy will be convinced that he does not "matter," again endure great hardships, and must again convince himself otherwise during adulthood. Again, as an adult, he may find himself attracting those who continue to convince him he does not matter, making the process even more difficult.



I Belong.



Belonging is something that only the boy can decide for himself -- not only that truth that he belongs, but where and with whom he belongs. However, if the boy does not know where or with whom he belongs, he will "settle." He will associate with those who do not help him achieve his potential, but instead merely "accept" him and allow him to occupy space within their ranks. He will not develop as a participant, or even a leader, but will only be a follower, unable to think or reason in a manner different than the rest of the "herd." Or worse, he will associate with individuals who are toxic towards him, and derive pleasure from continuously rejecting, abusing, and bullying him, or forcing him to continuously fight a losing battle. Resigned to a mistaken belief that those who truly would accept him will only reject him instead, and vice-versa, he sabotages this component of his development and fails to make valuable contacts and friendships that would otherwise serve him well.



Again, this must be reinforced during childhood. However, unlike the two prior components, the caregivers cannot select with whom the boy should and should not associate. If a caregiver continuously blasts "that crowdd," the child will either (a) become a recluse, believing that no friends can be approved by the caregivers; or (b) rebel, and ONLY associate with "that crowd," to dismantle and overthrow the caregivers' authority. Otherwise, even more work will be required during adulthood, because if "that crowd" takes the place of the boy's parents, the future will include not only difficult, but disastrous, consequences.



I Deserve.



The final component, to deserve, simply cannot stand if the first three have not been properly erected. It is by no means a notion of entitlement -- I have met too many plaintiffs and their attorneys who adopt this as a way of life and a source of revenue, therefore I do not base the component of deserving on this. On the contrary, to deserve is to use the faith, belief, and courage needed for plain and simple success. This is the underlying theme of everything our friends Anthony Robbins, Joel Osteen, and Dr. Phil have been telling us for years in their own words -- beyond just being, mattering, and belonging, in order to ADVANCE, you must BELIEVE that you DESERVE to have what you want! Don't write yourself off saying "it never happened" before you even tried. And even worse, don't just go around telling people you're doing it when you really have no intention of doing so! DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS ABOUT IT. DESERVE IT, period.



Why state the obvious? Don't most guys already know this? Not if they're faking it they don't. As for those of us who grow up with one or more of these components missing, we tend to wait on longer lines than the ones our more well-adjusted neighbors occupy. And it HURTS. And since all four components are interdependent, it's impossible to have one missing. For a plane to fly, you can't have three out of four engines working!



And why should I focus on these components for men and not for women? Why am I not being politically correct? Because life and nature are not politically correct. Even if this is the 21st Century, society does not penalize women for having low self-esteem or confidence because society does not expect women to have them to begin with. That is because nature has equipped men and women with different perceptions towards life, and geared them towards different roles.



If a woman does not possess all four components, she can still survive, because she will most likely depend on a husband, partner, or family member to support her. She can easily get away with it. MEN DO NOT AND CANNOT HAVE THIS LUXURY. Unless your mother raised you on a lesbian commune, or you were taught daily by some Amazon-like figure that all masculinity is evil, and were sheltered from ever interacting with fellow males, a man must learn to keep his self-esteem intact simply to avoid being preyed upon.



Not only do other men take advantage of men with low self-esteem,but ironically, SO DO WOMEN. Ironically, even a weak woman will take advantage of someone she perceives is weaker.



So how does a man with low self-esteem survive? Childhood is over, and pointing fingers at the failures of our parents is not effective. Repeating these four components, contemplating them during your job, feeling them during your social interactions, and just plain living them WILL WORK.



Let's review, gentlemen:



I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.



This is not the grunt of an animal who cannot respect those around him. This is also not the wail of a spoiled child who is granted everything without earning it, and only becomes more and more demanding. This is the battle cry of a man who seeks to live and to profit from life. This is the song of redemption, fulfillment, and self-actualization. This is the eviction notice to the thoughts of defeat and rejection that have been squatting rent-free in men's subconscious minds for decades. This is the death sentence to the ill-effects of bad childhoods, worse adolescences, and unpleasant adulthoods. Again!



I EXIST! I MATTER! I BELONG! I DESERVE!



Don't just say it, USE it!

Next Steps

OK, I got some work done on that story I've always wanted to write. Since for some reason my Microsoft Word will not open, I just saved as a draft on Blogger. I need to work on it a bit more before I post it, and warn my adoring public that it's a little on the nasty side.

Anyway, I've changed jobs, and I'm a lot happier. My new boss, who was once my old boss, is happy to have me back. However, he gets in moods sometimes when he blows his top over nothing. Having worked with him before, I've learned that his bark is worse than his bite, so I know that just because he gets pissy, it doesn't mean my job is on the line. He just gets too busy sometimes, and gets exasperated a bit too quick. So you just wait until he calms down, and then deal with him.

It's a lot better than the job I just left though. Here, I get told that people are counting on me, while back there I was told that I couldn't be trusted and I had cases yanked out of my hands. I could expound on that a little more, but it would only make me more angry.

All I know is that if I lose this job, I will not be able to practice law anymore. Not because I've done something unethical or will get disbarred, etc. My license will remain intact no matter what. It's because I've been practicing almost 10 years, haven't made partner, and have not earned the kind of salary the rest of the world thinks lawyers should make. For this reason, firms might grant me interviews, but they might not be so quick to hire me, and that's pretty sad.

Like I've said before, blogging is what I should be doing for a living. I have a lot to write about that's only limited by case law and politics. As you'll see once my first entry is finalized, I have much to post, and it's not all nice and sweet.

I just need to get off the launchpad, that's all I'm saying.

This Time I'm Back For Sure!

Hey all -- Happy 2010!

Ya know, something tells me that I still need to get back into this. My life has been so topsy-turvy for a year and a half, I haven't been focusing on the things that I really enjoy doing -- no time to stop and smell the roses, as they say.

Sometimes life speeds up and slows down when you least expect it to do so. 18 months ago, I never would have thought I'd be getting engaged, let alone living with said fiancee! Also never thought I'd return to a job I left in 2006 -- yet this road I've traveled has been rerouted.

Now I have a webcam, and that puts me back on my road to create my own blog. This way I'd have some video commentary to supplement whatever I write. Thing is, I need to get back on a schedule.

As some of my MySpace peeps may remember, I used to write a Bible (Torah, to be precise) commentary every week. Since at most synagogues, a Bible portion is read in a continuing and episodic pattern every week, I followed the same trend. It kept me "regular," and up to date. And once in a while I got some kudos and comments from my friends and neighbors!

I like Facebook a little better than MySpace, but without a blogging feature on that site, I'm missing out. Well, now that my lady is teaching class and I've got time to myself here at the ranch, here goes.

Another brilliant idea -- copy the same posts onto MySpace -- HELLO!