The Fast He Wanted.

Hey all. We just finished the 10 Days of Awe. That's the first 10 days of the Jewish calendar, beginning with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur. That's when G-D gives us all an annual audit, encourages us to pray, repent, and be righteous, and then decides whether to extend our "lease on life" for another year. Like the old folks said, "It's tough to be a Jew!"



Anyway, the Rabbi's sermon on Yom Kippur morning really got my attention. He dealt with the differences between Judaism, and its chief competitor, Hedonism. He explained that Hedonism is America's favorite religion, the one that says, if it's a pain in the ass, don't do it. In other words, hedonists say that you should do whatever feels good, for the sake of indulging your own desires, and not do whatever feels bad, because nobody needs to deal with responsibility.



That one hit home with me for a few reasons. Being a guy, I hate housework. I completely and totally despise the act of cleaning or reorganizing a home. If I were a hedonist, I'd never do it, and everyplace I lived would have looked beyond crappy! But, as the rabbi went onto say, there must be some pain in and discomfort in life. Accordingly, even if housework is pain to me, life would be simply unworkable if I never did it.



The rabbi went on to use death as an example. When a loved one passes away, and it hurts at the funeral, and still hurts afterwards, you should be happy, because it proved that you really loved the deceased. Your pain is evidence of that love!



I'm also still awestruck by the two Haftoroth (readings from the Prophets) that are read on Yom Kippur. The first one, from Isaiah, indicates that merely fasting and standing on ceremony is not what G-D wants. The "fast" He wishes to see is feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and otherwise taking action to make this world better. Personally, I fasted, as I always do, but it's clear from that Haftarah that it's not enough for me to wipe any slate clean. That's where this blog comes in. You see, what I wish to do is become a motivational speaker for men and boys with low self-esteem. By encouraging them to overcome whatever obstacles are holding them down, I'd like to think that I really would be giving G-D the fast He wants. Too many men and boys have allowed poor parenting, bullying, and improper aggression to chip away at their self-worth. I know it's gotta stop, and I'm just the guy to do it!



The other side of the coin, as opposed to the right path to forgiveness, is forgiving others. That's why the Book of Jonah is read during the afternoon service on Yom Kippur (before the masses all show up for Ne'ilah, the concluding service, and where it's just the old timers who actually operate the synagogue). Jonah was kind of a lame prophet -- he refuses to prophecy where G-D tells him, so he ends up jeopardizing the ship he escapes on, and lives in a fish's stomach for three days before he's vomited out on dry land. Although he was forgiven for his sins, he refuses to prophecy to the people of Nineveh, because he thinks their city sucks and he wants them to get firebombed by heaven above! He does it anyway, the people repent, and he gets jealous, because he didn't want them to be forgiven!



This kind of obstinance is exactly what the world does not need. Like someone who's so uptight that when someone makes a mistake, and apologizes, that he or she won't accept the apology. Perfect example? This woman from Connecticut who one day, gets a letter from the frat guy who date-raped her in college, who wants to clear his conscience and apologize. What does she do in response? Get him to admit what he did in an e-mail, send the e-mail to the police (the jurisdiction where it happened has no statute of limitations on rape), and had him arrested 23 years after the fact.



Did he sin? Yes, very flagrantly. Is he a bad person? Yes he is. Did he know he was wrong? Yes he did. Did he want to apologize for his crime? Sure shooting. Who the hell was she not to forgive him? And what purpose did she serve to put this ne'er do well in jail two decades after the whole thing happened? Her own selfish desire for revenge, that's what!



If anti-bullying laws were retroactive, maybe I could get back at everyone who bullied me in high school decades after the fact. Would I get the same sympathy she did? Not with this Y chromosome I wouldn't! There was nothing different about her issue. She survived the rape and she moved on. Whatever trauma she felt afterwards could not have been anything more than what she chose to feel.



Don't get me wrong, he was no genius. Had he consulted legal counsel, he would have learned that if he contacted her regarding a crime he committed in a jurisdiction with no statute of limitations, he might be prosecuted for his admissions against interest, and then he could have avoided this whole situation. Still, she could have taken the higher road, forgiven him, and continued to move on with her life. Instead, she was a Jonah for our time, who just couldn't forgive because her hatred and grudges spoke louder than any higher purpose.



DISCLAIMER: Rape is a horrible crime, whether it's committed by a stalker in an alley or the captain of the debate team. It warrants prosecution for a reason. I am in no way defending this man's admitted actions. But I am also in no way defending that woman's mean-spirited, cold, callous, vengeful, selfish, borderline evil actions in suckering him into a criminal conviction more than 20 years after the fact. Legalizing revenge does not legitimize it.



Yes, this woman gave G-D the opposite of the fast He wanted, much like Jonah himself did. Nobody can say that anyone else doesn't deserve forgiveness. None of us is above anyone else.



So that's my take on it all. Feel free to comment, and let's be forgiving towards one another!