Next week is a special time for the family, Passover. I'll be spending it with my family both Seder nights (with the aid of some interesting travel plans), and it'll bring back a few memories.
When I was a kid, my Mom was the Hostess With the Mostest! Or as my sister would sometimes call her, the Mitzvah Mommy! I can still remember the smell of her Matzah Ball Soup, her chicken, her brisket, her special matzah stuffing (there's a way this can be done without bread, though I hesitate to ask), and "all the trimminings." I also had a wise old grandfather from the old country (every family should still have at least one of these) who lent some old-school authenticity to the proceedings.
Not everyone in the Tribe is always so enthusiastic about Passover. Traditionally, there are many dietary laws that Jews have kept since the Exodus itself. For example, no bread, because Moses and the Israelites didn't have time to let the bread bake (meaning, slowly baking on a fire overnight so it would rise), so they took "unleavened bread" to eat on the way out of Egypt. So instead, we eat matzah -- those of us in the know realize that it's not supposed to taste amazingly good, but so many people who aren't Jewish always ask for a taste, since they may think of it as exotic cuisine! Also, no pasta, and depending on where in Europe ones' ancestors came from, no beans or rice either.
Also, the Seder I speak about means that the dinner for Passover is given in the form of a ritual. Blessings to say over parts of the meal, old-time Hebrew songs to sing, and everyone gets to read a page going around the table. Much to my grandmother's chagrin, she always got stuck reading a page containing the ancient passage, "I Once Was Young, Now I Am Old!"
Some of my Brethren completely reject these old-school ways, while some of them keep them. And then some keep them and complain, murmur, and whine about how much they don't like it.
To those of the third category, I say this: If doing without elements of your diet for one week, and reading from an old religious text at your dinner table is that much of a hardship for you, do yourself, and everyone else a favor, and stop doing it. Really, please! People already know that keeping non-mainstream religious practices are uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant. People also already know that they don't always fit with regular mainstream activities. But when people hear anybody of any particular faith or stripe making a half-hearted attempt to keep a tradition while simultaneously rejecting it, they lose respect for it and you. They'll think you're not genuine, and that you're not credible. And that's a lot harder to stomach than the Missing Afikoman!
So for those of you spending Passover with pizza and beer, don't let me stop you. I'm no Talmudic scholar, I have no right to judge your beliefs or your practices, and I won't.
For those of you keeping Passover, I tip my hat to you, and respect that you honor tradition.
But for those of you complaining about keeping it, you're doing yourselves a disservice. Nobody's forcing you to do it if you hate it so much, so stop. If G-D has a problem with it, He will tell you, and nobody else will.
Maybe you're an intellectual who can prove for all of us clueless religious types that G-D doesn't exist, and you feel the need to flaunt it in the faces of family members who think differently. Maybe you have bad memories of Seders gone by, when you had to just sit still and listen to things that didn't appeal to you. Or maybe it just didn't fit with who you were and are. That's valid, except for the "flaunting in the face" part -- so why keep doing it if you don't like it?
A family guilt trip, maybe? A misguided notion that a half-hearted tradition is better than none at all? Or maybe because the majority of the household is "appeasing" a single member who wants these traditions when nobody else does? NOT valid reasons. Any scroll or text from any faith will tell you that inviting G-D into your house begrudgingly doesn't work. If you hate it, don't do it, case closed. You'll get tons more respect that way.
DISCLAIMER: The above post was not meant to cast aspersions or judgment on any individual person, known or unknown, living or dead. Any offense taken by the above post is purely the perception and the responsibility of the reader.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A Friend's Wedding
Hey folks -- since I started a new blog recently, FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN, I've been away from this one for a few weeks. But now I'm back, and I'd like to share some new thoughts.
Last night, The Lady and I attended the wedding of a good friend of mine. The ceremony was unique -- it was a civil ceremony performed by a Judge. As part of the ceremony, he had hte bride and groom use a laptop to formally change their statuses on Facebook! Made me laugh -- when I was a teenager, I assisted my father, who was a wedding photographer, and we'd seen all different kinds of weddings, but I'd never seen that before! A sign of the times, no doubt.
Then The Lady and I had the privilege of sitting with a married couple who I've been friends with for years, and their two boys. The younger of the boys is my godson, whom I've posted about before -- like I said, it's even more fun playing with a 3-year-old kid with a mohawk!
I've posted before about how much I missed my Long Island friends -- not long before I met my wife, we hung out every single weekend. I usually had a long run on a Saturday morning, but I'd still see them at a local karaoke joint on Friday night -- I'd cut out on the early side, but I always wanted to see them. And nearly every Sunday night, my friend's wife would cook up a Sunday dinner that any Iron Chef contestant would envy!
But after meeting my wife, and moving off Long Island, I saw them less and less. I did what I could to be part of their lives under the circumstances, but there was a little bit of resentment. They never really said anything negative to me, but I could see that they weren't totally happy. It probably felt like I was leaving them behind after I'd found someone to marry, as if they were some kind of "chopped liver" getting passed over for the main course.
I'd like to think that seeing them at the wedding might have made things a little better. My wife was not always able to come with me to their house for Sunday dinner, but she was with me for this shindig, and we both had the chance to really just enjoy ourselves with my friends and the kids. Before the wedding, my friends did not really know much about my wife, but that may have changed somewhat now. I'd like to think that after this, I could invite the crew to our place, and spend a day in the City with them all. My wife is often busy rehearsing, teaching, or coaching on Sunday nights, but I think I could get her to come with me to the crew's house once or twice!
More importantly than building bridges with the important grown-ups in my life, I was reminded again that I do have an obligation as a godfather. Although the wedding had a civil ceremony, one of the bride's relatives was called upon to give an invocation before the meal. Since one spouse was Catholic and one was Protestant, the bride's brother showed love and harmony for all gatherered there by leading the entire group in a recitation of the "Our Father," a prayer shared by both faiths. My wife and I were not adherents of either religion, so at first I was not going to say it. Then I saw my godson's older brother seated next to me just wondering why he had to stand up and not eat. Although my godson was on the other side of the table with his parents, and couldn't hear me, I started whispering the words to "Our Father" in his brother's ear, to get him to follow along.
Not the most amazing, snazzy-jazzy thing in the world, of course. I just realized that it was a good idea to remind him to ask G-D to "give us this day our daily bread" before devouring it, even though the catering staff would have quickly given him another roll anyway. As both boys get older, my visits should probably include a few minutes of basic ethical and spiritual reminders. Maybe a little tiny bit about my religion, but it should be a bit more about their own. At the ages of 6 and 3, they're too little to understand what it's all about now, but soon they'll be old enough to listen. And that's when I hope I'll make a better impact on their lives, as well as the lives of their parents, and the rest of their Long Island family.
So here's to reconnecting and tightening bonds, people -- hope you all do likewise!
Last night, The Lady and I attended the wedding of a good friend of mine. The ceremony was unique -- it was a civil ceremony performed by a Judge. As part of the ceremony, he had hte bride and groom use a laptop to formally change their statuses on Facebook! Made me laugh -- when I was a teenager, I assisted my father, who was a wedding photographer, and we'd seen all different kinds of weddings, but I'd never seen that before! A sign of the times, no doubt.
Then The Lady and I had the privilege of sitting with a married couple who I've been friends with for years, and their two boys. The younger of the boys is my godson, whom I've posted about before -- like I said, it's even more fun playing with a 3-year-old kid with a mohawk!
I've posted before about how much I missed my Long Island friends -- not long before I met my wife, we hung out every single weekend. I usually had a long run on a Saturday morning, but I'd still see them at a local karaoke joint on Friday night -- I'd cut out on the early side, but I always wanted to see them. And nearly every Sunday night, my friend's wife would cook up a Sunday dinner that any Iron Chef contestant would envy!
But after meeting my wife, and moving off Long Island, I saw them less and less. I did what I could to be part of their lives under the circumstances, but there was a little bit of resentment. They never really said anything negative to me, but I could see that they weren't totally happy. It probably felt like I was leaving them behind after I'd found someone to marry, as if they were some kind of "chopped liver" getting passed over for the main course.
I'd like to think that seeing them at the wedding might have made things a little better. My wife was not always able to come with me to their house for Sunday dinner, but she was with me for this shindig, and we both had the chance to really just enjoy ourselves with my friends and the kids. Before the wedding, my friends did not really know much about my wife, but that may have changed somewhat now. I'd like to think that after this, I could invite the crew to our place, and spend a day in the City with them all. My wife is often busy rehearsing, teaching, or coaching on Sunday nights, but I think I could get her to come with me to the crew's house once or twice!
More importantly than building bridges with the important grown-ups in my life, I was reminded again that I do have an obligation as a godfather. Although the wedding had a civil ceremony, one of the bride's relatives was called upon to give an invocation before the meal. Since one spouse was Catholic and one was Protestant, the bride's brother showed love and harmony for all gatherered there by leading the entire group in a recitation of the "Our Father," a prayer shared by both faiths. My wife and I were not adherents of either religion, so at first I was not going to say it. Then I saw my godson's older brother seated next to me just wondering why he had to stand up and not eat. Although my godson was on the other side of the table with his parents, and couldn't hear me, I started whispering the words to "Our Father" in his brother's ear, to get him to follow along.
Not the most amazing, snazzy-jazzy thing in the world, of course. I just realized that it was a good idea to remind him to ask G-D to "give us this day our daily bread" before devouring it, even though the catering staff would have quickly given him another roll anyway. As both boys get older, my visits should probably include a few minutes of basic ethical and spiritual reminders. Maybe a little tiny bit about my religion, but it should be a bit more about their own. At the ages of 6 and 3, they're too little to understand what it's all about now, but soon they'll be old enough to listen. And that's when I hope I'll make a better impact on their lives, as well as the lives of their parents, and the rest of their Long Island family.
So here's to reconnecting and tightening bonds, people -- hope you all do likewise!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine's Day
For most of my life, I called this holiday "Black [Insert Day of Week Here]." It just happened that most of my relationships just weren't in progress on this particular holiday, which may have originated as a Saint's day by the Catholic Church, and evolved into First Quarter Profits for Hallmark and its competitors.
However, there are two Valentine's Days in my life that were particularly significant. One was February 14, 2009, the night my wife and I became engaged, and the second was celebrated last night.
Two years ago, plans were set in motion. OK, not set that in motion, because I was not a very organized man back then. I had an idea of a restaurant, a romantic carriage ride, and a visit to the second-highest observatory in NYC, the Top Of The Rock. Once we arrived, my lady remarked that carriage ride would be too slow and somewhat odorous, and she was interested in a slightly different choice of restaurant. As luck would have it, this other choice had a table available, and we made use of it. The red wind risotto we enjoyed has now become an annual tradition for us.
The part of my plan that could not be changed was the visit to the Top. After viewing the Manhattan skyline from two of the four angles, and posing for the souvenir photo, I beckoned my wife-to-be to a corner of the deck. She faced back towards the building while I faced out towards the City. I got down on one knee with the ring, and I felt wind rushing past my ears.
My inner voice said, "Holy Crow, Allweiss, this isn't a work. This is for real! You're really getting engaged now! Who woulda thunk it!" Although my wife and I both knew quite well what the question and answer would be, I asked her to marry me, and she said "Of course!"
She had indicated to me that she had always wanted to get engaged on Valentine's Day, but that she didn't want it to be done publicly -- nothing on the JumboTron at a hockey game, although that is the sport we both live. So I tried to keep the proposal out of sight, but there were a few observers who applauded our special moment. That was fine with us though -- we had a nightcap at the Algonquin Hotel, and then took the long drive back to Princeton, NJ.
This year, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, a Monday. However, my wife and I decided to celebrate the holiday, as well as the second anniversary or our engagement by re-visiting that fine Italian bistro she discovered. Beforehand, I had tried to show how my organizational skills had improved by arranging for gifts, flowers, and chocolate that I knew she'd love. At the restaurant, our red wine risotto was not on the menu. However, the head waitress, willing to please, told us she'd have the kitchen make it for us anyway. So we shared it, as well as a perfect gnocchi dish.
During our meal, we met a nice couple of tourists from Cincinnati who remarked that they'd need to order that risotto next time they visited this bistro. During our conversation, we explained that this was an anniversary of sorts for us. Having been all ears that evening, the head waitress later brought us a tiramisu, compliments of the chef, with a candle burning. Clearly, dessert was spoken for, and we wouldn't need more at the Algonquin.
So we returned to the Algonquin for coffee and tea, and finished our night. At home, my wife arrived to a vase filled with a dozen red roses and a teddy bear on the table. I presented her with a box of Godiva chocolates and other gifts, and she did likewise for me. I'd gotten everything right this time, and so did she. We affirmed our feelings for one another, and felt even better than that night we'd gotten engaged.
My wife and I are extraordinarily busy people. I sometimes refer to the pace of our lives as "Gottagohere, Gottagothere, Gottagogottagogottgo Right Now!" I've been on top of a new account for our firm that has become bigger and stronger, and my lady has been making a name for herself as an acting coach for the many young people who come to NYC to prove themselves in musical theater. Both of these endeavors leave little time to simply enjoy life, but last night we made the time. I only wish we could make this kind of time more often, because when we do, all our cares and troubles seem to melt away into the background, rather than us seeming to melt into our cares and troubles.
For the time being, it seems that the lady and I will have to work long and hard hours doing what we do. There's nothing wrong with that, since hard work is often its own reward. That being said, we need more time for ourselves and each other to stay human. That's one of several reasons why I seek to monetize a blog and earn profit from it. Unfortuantely, the powers that be at Google AdSense recently deactivated my ad feeds, so I cannot earn a profit from this particular blog. If anyone out there is willing to point me in a direction that would remedy this situation, feel free to comment!
Oh well -- until the two of us find the additional security we seek, we'll keep toiling away, knowing that at the end of every day, we're there for each other. We start every day together, and we end every evening together too. It's the little things that remind us that we're still people after all.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
However, there are two Valentine's Days in my life that were particularly significant. One was February 14, 2009, the night my wife and I became engaged, and the second was celebrated last night.
Two years ago, plans were set in motion. OK, not set that in motion, because I was not a very organized man back then. I had an idea of a restaurant, a romantic carriage ride, and a visit to the second-highest observatory in NYC, the Top Of The Rock. Once we arrived, my lady remarked that carriage ride would be too slow and somewhat odorous, and she was interested in a slightly different choice of restaurant. As luck would have it, this other choice had a table available, and we made use of it. The red wind risotto we enjoyed has now become an annual tradition for us.
The part of my plan that could not be changed was the visit to the Top. After viewing the Manhattan skyline from two of the four angles, and posing for the souvenir photo, I beckoned my wife-to-be to a corner of the deck. She faced back towards the building while I faced out towards the City. I got down on one knee with the ring, and I felt wind rushing past my ears.
My inner voice said, "Holy Crow, Allweiss, this isn't a work. This is for real! You're really getting engaged now! Who woulda thunk it!" Although my wife and I both knew quite well what the question and answer would be, I asked her to marry me, and she said "Of course!"
She had indicated to me that she had always wanted to get engaged on Valentine's Day, but that she didn't want it to be done publicly -- nothing on the JumboTron at a hockey game, although that is the sport we both live. So I tried to keep the proposal out of sight, but there were a few observers who applauded our special moment. That was fine with us though -- we had a nightcap at the Algonquin Hotel, and then took the long drive back to Princeton, NJ.
This year, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, a Monday. However, my wife and I decided to celebrate the holiday, as well as the second anniversary or our engagement by re-visiting that fine Italian bistro she discovered. Beforehand, I had tried to show how my organizational skills had improved by arranging for gifts, flowers, and chocolate that I knew she'd love. At the restaurant, our red wine risotto was not on the menu. However, the head waitress, willing to please, told us she'd have the kitchen make it for us anyway. So we shared it, as well as a perfect gnocchi dish.
During our meal, we met a nice couple of tourists from Cincinnati who remarked that they'd need to order that risotto next time they visited this bistro. During our conversation, we explained that this was an anniversary of sorts for us. Having been all ears that evening, the head waitress later brought us a tiramisu, compliments of the chef, with a candle burning. Clearly, dessert was spoken for, and we wouldn't need more at the Algonquin.
So we returned to the Algonquin for coffee and tea, and finished our night. At home, my wife arrived to a vase filled with a dozen red roses and a teddy bear on the table. I presented her with a box of Godiva chocolates and other gifts, and she did likewise for me. I'd gotten everything right this time, and so did she. We affirmed our feelings for one another, and felt even better than that night we'd gotten engaged.
My wife and I are extraordinarily busy people. I sometimes refer to the pace of our lives as "Gottagohere, Gottagothere, Gottagogottagogottgo Right Now!" I've been on top of a new account for our firm that has become bigger and stronger, and my lady has been making a name for herself as an acting coach for the many young people who come to NYC to prove themselves in musical theater. Both of these endeavors leave little time to simply enjoy life, but last night we made the time. I only wish we could make this kind of time more often, because when we do, all our cares and troubles seem to melt away into the background, rather than us seeming to melt into our cares and troubles.
For the time being, it seems that the lady and I will have to work long and hard hours doing what we do. There's nothing wrong with that, since hard work is often its own reward. That being said, we need more time for ourselves and each other to stay human. That's one of several reasons why I seek to monetize a blog and earn profit from it. Unfortuantely, the powers that be at Google AdSense recently deactivated my ad feeds, so I cannot earn a profit from this particular blog. If anyone out there is willing to point me in a direction that would remedy this situation, feel free to comment!
Oh well -- until the two of us find the additional security we seek, we'll keep toiling away, knowing that at the end of every day, we're there for each other. We start every day together, and we end every evening together too. It's the little things that remind us that we're still people after all.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Lady I'll Come Home
Dear Lady I've been away too long.
I've bragged and I've boasted, and still got it wrong.
I've traveled the world, but left you behind.
If only I'd stayed, you'd only be too kind.
I was not true to my own self.
Your compassion I left way behind on the shelf.
I aroused conflict and left excuses for hating.
And took it for granted you'd still be there waiting.
As Peer Gynt had Solveig, I wandered around,
While you remained hopeful, but only homebound.
To expect your forgiveness like she gave to him,
Obviously, the prospects are grim.
True, you waited enough, lots more than you needed.
Your expectations I left unheeded.
For the pain that I caused you, you deserve awards.
If only I'd silenced my vocal chords.
But I promise you, Lady, I will return.
What's left of the old me is sealed in an urn.
I'll restore the respect and happiness we knew.
Your joy will be great and your grievances few.
But believe and trust me, I'll make it right!
Where there was darkness, I'll bring new light!
I'll make you my Queen, and me your good Squire!
I'll fulfill all that your Heart may Desire!
I've bragged and I've boasted, and still got it wrong.
I've traveled the world, but left you behind.
If only I'd stayed, you'd only be too kind.
I was not true to my own self.
Your compassion I left way behind on the shelf.
I aroused conflict and left excuses for hating.
And took it for granted you'd still be there waiting.
As Peer Gynt had Solveig, I wandered around,
While you remained hopeful, but only homebound.
To expect your forgiveness like she gave to him,
Obviously, the prospects are grim.
True, you waited enough, lots more than you needed.
Your expectations I left unheeded.
For the pain that I caused you, you deserve awards.
If only I'd silenced my vocal chords.
But I promise you, Lady, I will return.
What's left of the old me is sealed in an urn.
I'll restore the respect and happiness we knew.
Your joy will be great and your grievances few.
But believe and trust me, I'll make it right!
Where there was darkness, I'll bring new light!
I'll make you my Queen, and me your good Squire!
I'll fulfill all that your Heart may Desire!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Fanfare for the Common Man
Since I'm still somewhat better communicating my thoughts in writing than I in speaking, I'll follow up the video with a few words.
Everyone secretly roots for the underdog, even though their seasoned judgment usually tells us that they'll rarely win. Such is the case with the Jets.
Don't get me wrong, everyone on this team is an awesome player, that's why they've made the NFL to begin with. But this franchise has had a long history of losing, with the exception of one magical season led by "Broadway Joe" Namath. This could be the team's time to earn some respect after all these years of suffering.
Since I've dusted off the Four Pillars, I might as well apply them to the Jets. The Jets EXIST, and have since 1960. They're often overlooked because the Giants have a longer winning tradition, but now everyone knows they're here, thanks in no small part to the clarion exhortations of Coach Rex Ryan, a man among men who stands up for his team and is not afraid to get loud in the press when it counts. The Jets MATTER, because right now the Giants simply aren't pulling their weight! The Jets BELONG, and they've proven that after slicing and dicing two dominant teams on their way to the AFC Title game. And last but not least, they DESERVE to bring New York a Super Bowl trophy!!!!!!
Like I said on the video, they represent the underdog in us all. Many of us have felt like we were second-best, or worse, in other positions in life. Not making the team in school, not getting the starring role, having work projects reassigned to someone else who is more heavily favored, etc. The best and most effective way to override this is to look for AND FIND a way to WIN.
It doesn't always mean beat someone who was more of a winner than you. The Jets don't have to beat the Giants to be the champs (though some Giant fans may disagree). Likewise, you don't have to jump the co-worker who got more praise than you, or the guy who got your spot on the team -- you just gotta find something that you do even better than they can. Sometimes you have to think outside the box, and sometimes this means you've gotta re-invent things.
And last but not least, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE EVERYONE LIKE YOU! That's the biggest mistake people make. You can get everyone's respect, but it's just not possible for everyone to love you (hopefully your Mom does). Outside NYC and the suburbs, people can't stand the Jets. They think Ryan's full of hot air, and think Sanchez is not yet a star. Let them think it, they still HAVE TO respect Gang Green! Sometimes, getting respect from the proper authorities will mean a decline in popularity. So be it! Expecting everyone in the world to love you is a narcissistic, unrealistic, and impossible expectation. Even if I were Captain Nice, made 10 times my salary, owned an apartment building only for me and the Lady to live in, and gave half of it to charity anyway, people would STILL hate me! What can I do about them, besides avoid those cretins like the plague? Not a daaaamn thing! All I need is respect, not popularity!
JAY! EE! TEE! ESS! JETS! JETS! JETS!
Everyone secretly roots for the underdog, even though their seasoned judgment usually tells us that they'll rarely win. Such is the case with the Jets.
Don't get me wrong, everyone on this team is an awesome player, that's why they've made the NFL to begin with. But this franchise has had a long history of losing, with the exception of one magical season led by "Broadway Joe" Namath. This could be the team's time to earn some respect after all these years of suffering.
Since I've dusted off the Four Pillars, I might as well apply them to the Jets. The Jets EXIST, and have since 1960. They're often overlooked because the Giants have a longer winning tradition, but now everyone knows they're here, thanks in no small part to the clarion exhortations of Coach Rex Ryan, a man among men who stands up for his team and is not afraid to get loud in the press when it counts. The Jets MATTER, because right now the Giants simply aren't pulling their weight! The Jets BELONG, and they've proven that after slicing and dicing two dominant teams on their way to the AFC Title game. And last but not least, they DESERVE to bring New York a Super Bowl trophy!!!!!!
Like I said on the video, they represent the underdog in us all. Many of us have felt like we were second-best, or worse, in other positions in life. Not making the team in school, not getting the starring role, having work projects reassigned to someone else who is more heavily favored, etc. The best and most effective way to override this is to look for AND FIND a way to WIN.
It doesn't always mean beat someone who was more of a winner than you. The Jets don't have to beat the Giants to be the champs (though some Giant fans may disagree). Likewise, you don't have to jump the co-worker who got more praise than you, or the guy who got your spot on the team -- you just gotta find something that you do even better than they can. Sometimes you have to think outside the box, and sometimes this means you've gotta re-invent things.
And last but not least, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE EVERYONE LIKE YOU! That's the biggest mistake people make. You can get everyone's respect, but it's just not possible for everyone to love you (hopefully your Mom does). Outside NYC and the suburbs, people can't stand the Jets. They think Ryan's full of hot air, and think Sanchez is not yet a star. Let them think it, they still HAVE TO respect Gang Green! Sometimes, getting respect from the proper authorities will mean a decline in popularity. So be it! Expecting everyone in the world to love you is a narcissistic, unrealistic, and impossible expectation. Even if I were Captain Nice, made 10 times my salary, owned an apartment building only for me and the Lady to live in, and gave half of it to charity anyway, people would STILL hate me! What can I do about them, besides avoid those cretins like the plague? Not a daaaamn thing! All I need is respect, not popularity!
JAY! EE! TEE! ESS! JETS! JETS! JETS!
Monday, January 17, 2011
One Man With A Dream
Today we honor the birthday and celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King was one of those rare men who rise above human nature and its many weaknesses to bring about real change.
He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie. Most chose to accept it, because "that's the way it is." Some of my detractors may find this mantra somewhat familiar, as it is monotonous, but obscenely easy to adopt. Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.
The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots. Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man. As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.
When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account. At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it. Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it! For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.
Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!" He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing. He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him. He also proved that when complaining to a government does not get the desired result, actions that bring about that government's attention, that take away some of that government's assumed power, actually can bring about that result!
Got a bully in your personal life? Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It may feel easier for you to just "let it go," because that person has "always been that way." I'll be discussing in a later post, it's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they've simply never faced consequences for their behavior. Once they hear those consequences, loud and clear, they will (hopefully) get the message that screwing with other people all the time is not a divine right bestowed upon them.
It may also feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak. As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes. Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker! Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!
My suggestion? Use the power of "NO." Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles? Say "NO" to the entire conversation. The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject. In fact, start talking about something that you enjoy that makes them look stupid! Dr. King may have never debated someone like Jesse Helms, but if he had, he'd probably run rings around him this way!
Is this person an expert on finance, who wants to show you up for your lack of knowledge in that field? Check his or her weakness, and open it up! Chances are, you may know how long David Lee Roth was in Van Halen, and which songs were better, and he or she won't know anything from anybody about that subject. Why should he or she be the only expert in the room? Do they like pointing out that you didn't read The Great Gatsby in high school? Screw their snooty stuck-up prep-school attitude! Ask them if they ever read Bless The Beasts And Children or The Outsiders! Or better yet, ask them if they ever wrote a story as toweringn and as magnificent as the book they read! Just make sure you only ask questions that you already know the answers to -- one false move and they'll smell blood! And don't be confrontational and angry about it either -- that only incites these people even more!
Are they maybe yelling at you over something that everyone else knows is B.S.? Maybe because they don't like the shirt you're wearing, when everyone else in the known universe thinks it's just fine the way it is? Or perhaps they don't like the way your eyes get wide when you laugh at something? Maybe they think you're ugly? Or chances are, they just hate you and can't stand the sight of you because you're you?
MLK didn't eliminate hate, but he did severely weaken the power hate has over society. So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power. Start with the Four Pillars I posted some time earlier. Just so you won't have to go back and check, they are:
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!
(yeah, good call -- now how do I respond when these dogs start barking about how much they hate me?)
Turn their hate against them. Do they hate the way you lift one eyebrow like "The Rock" from WWE (now known as Dwayne Johnson)? Never stop doing it. Don't make it obvious like you're instigating something, but don't eliminate it from your repertoire just because they want to be mineholes! (no, that's not the real word I'm going for, but this is a clean blog)
Does it bother them when you advocate some political philosophy that they can't accept. Bring it up. Again and again and again. Cite to reliable authorities to support your position, too. That way you can dare them to say that they're smarter than your sources, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL BE.
And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK. Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but by how you respond to threats and adversity.
Don't forget to comment below!
He came of age at a time when racism was as American as apple pie. Most chose to accept it, because "that's the way it is." Some of my detractors may find this mantra somewhat familiar, as it is monotonous, but obscenely easy to adopt. Jim Crow laws, separate-but-(un)equal facilities, and policies designed to keep one race isolated and abject were omnipresent.
The only other alternative besides "just accepting it" would have been starting rebellions and riots. Dr. King, however, was not that kind of man. As a man of the cloth, he understood that peaceful resistance was the most effective means by which to stop racist laws and counteract racist culture.
When I first learned about Dr. King in elementary school, I immediately identified with him. Back then, I learned that the "the system" was not there to take my interests into account. At the time, I was bullied, the school knew about it, and it did absolutely nothing to stop it. Dr. King's life story dealt with not only one person, but an entire group of people, being harassed, deprived, and disadvantaged, and a government that either turned a blind eye to what was occurring, or sometimes even encouraged it! For me, it was far less an issue of race than it was an issue of respect -- or the complete lack thereof.
Dr. King can truly be said to be the greatest anti-bullying advocate there ever was, before people even understood that there was such a thing as "anti-bullying!" He also combated what we now know to be bullying in ways that most men would not conceive of implementing. He proved that it was not necessary to stoop to a bully's level to beat him. He also proved that when complaining to a government does not get the desired result, actions that bring about that government's attention, that take away some of that government's assumed power, actually can bring about that result!
Got a bully in your personal life? Or better yet, someone who has the backing and implicit encouragement of the authorities? It may feel easier for you to just "let it go," because that person has "always been that way." I'll be discussing in a later post, it's not because that person is "insecure," it's most likely because they've simply never faced consequences for their behavior. Once they hear those consequences, loud and clear, they will (hopefully) get the message that screwing with other people all the time is not a divine right bestowed upon them.
It may also feel easy for you to start blazing your guns at them, so to speak. As we learned from Dr. King, this is a mistake, because that's exactly what the bully wants you to do. They're trying to make you use your anger from a position of weakness, which means you will, repeat will, make mistakes. Anger can only be used from a position of strength, which the bully will often have over you. Don't let them play with your emotions like a sucker! Dr. King saved his passion for his speeches, not for cursing out some sheriff with a fire hose!
My suggestion? Use the power of "NO." Are they trying to expose your weaknesses and foibles? Say "NO" to the entire conversation. The fact that they want you to admit that you've forgotten something or neglected something is not their attempt to win a case or a prize -- it's their way of testing how weak you are. If it's something that you know is irrelevant and inconsequential, just answer honestly. If it's something that they want to use to make you look stupid, just change the subject. In fact, start talking about something that you enjoy that makes them look stupid! Dr. King may have never debated someone like Jesse Helms, but if he had, he'd probably run rings around him this way!
Is this person an expert on finance, who wants to show you up for your lack of knowledge in that field? Check his or her weakness, and open it up! Chances are, you may know how long David Lee Roth was in Van Halen, and which songs were better, and he or she won't know anything from anybody about that subject. Why should he or she be the only expert in the room? Do they like pointing out that you didn't read The Great Gatsby in high school? Screw their snooty stuck-up prep-school attitude! Ask them if they ever read Bless The Beasts And Children or The Outsiders! Or better yet, ask them if they ever wrote a story as toweringn and as magnificent as the book they read! Just make sure you only ask questions that you already know the answers to -- one false move and they'll smell blood! And don't be confrontational and angry about it either -- that only incites these people even more!
Are they maybe yelling at you over something that everyone else knows is B.S.? Maybe because they don't like the shirt you're wearing, when everyone else in the known universe thinks it's just fine the way it is? Or perhaps they don't like the way your eyes get wide when you laugh at something? Maybe they think you're ugly? Or chances are, they just hate you and can't stand the sight of you because you're you?
MLK didn't eliminate hate, but he did severely weaken the power hate has over society. So if someone hates you and you can't avoid interacting with them, just weaken their power. Start with the Four Pillars I posted some time earlier. Just so you won't have to go back and check, they are:
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
You can recite it as a mantra, you can hum it to yourself when nobody's around, it doesn't matter. Just as long as you have these Pillars in your head when these people are screwing with you, it's a lot easier not to let them win. You'll almost render yourself bulletproof!
(yeah, good call -- now how do I respond when these dogs start barking about how much they hate me?)
Turn their hate against them. Do they hate the way you lift one eyebrow like "The Rock" from WWE (now known as Dwayne Johnson)? Never stop doing it. Don't make it obvious like you're instigating something, but don't eliminate it from your repertoire just because they want to be mineholes! (no, that's not the real word I'm going for, but this is a clean blog)
Does it bother them when you advocate some political philosophy that they can't accept. Bring it up. Again and again and again. Cite to reliable authorities to support your position, too. That way you can dare them to say that they're smarter than your sources, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL BE.
And so, in closing, please honor the memory of MLK. Not just by showing respect and tolerance towards members of all races, but by how you respond to threats and adversity.
Don't forget to comment below!
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