A Day Off!

Yes kids, your fearless blogger friend had the first of his several vacation days that he needs to "use or lose" by the end of 2010. Doesn't happen often, I assure you. And yes, there were still a few phone calls related to work that I needed to take. But darn it, I just needed today.

I'm one of those rare people who actually needs a little bit of down time, also known as "alone time," to stay sane. I mean taking the better part of a day with no human contact, watching TV, surfing the net, or reading. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being social, and the joys of conversing with old friends or meeting new people has become quite a luxury as well. But my lady and I have been living a lifestyle that I affectionately refer to as, "Gotta Go Here, Gotta Go There."

There's always some obligation to fulfill, whether it's related to work, family, home, or holidays. It's getting so life simply doesn't slow down when we'd like it to do so the most. Just once in a blue moon, I need time when that's not pressing on me. I know from experience that when I have that type of time, I'm far more relaxed and easygoing, much more clear-headed, and significantly less likely to blow a gasket over any little thing that happens!

Also, there is a small degree of anxiety that's been developing inside me. I have a great job, a great wife, a great place to live, a loving and encouraging extended family, and an AWESOME group of friends, who recently re-painted a house that holds special memories for me. But there is always the feeling that my life could take an unexpected turn. And when there's no time to think this over and discover my own answers, the anxiety grows. When I do have the aforementioned down time to take a good, hard look at myself and my life, the perception seems much less dire.

I wish I had much more time to this . . . I used to be someone who enjoyed long periods of introspection. Jews are always encouraged to do this during the High Holy Days -- do you know anyone who does, though? I've yet to see anyone who meditates, or concentrates, or focuses on their actions and directions during services (I do, however, have fond memories of my mother and grandmother sitting on both sides of me at temple and both leaning over me to talk, thus blocking me from reading the Machzor (prayer book), LOL). In order for me to do that, I'd simply have to be alone - and since our faith encourages community and interaction more than it does solitude, it's a bit more difficult for me to "look inside."

But anytime you have a day off, that's the time to do it. I'd suggest a period of about six to eight hours to just be alone -- it's not only good for authors (and bloggers), but it's such a great way to re-charge! A breather, a break, a chance only to be, and not to do! Days like these are like gold to me.

Now all the moms and dads reading this are thinking (and hopefully preparing to comment) that it's just not possible, and that when you bring children into this world, your alone time will not come back until retirement. I'd respond with the words of Rick Pitino, "Don't tell me you don't have the time. Make the time!" My oldest and most-respected friend, who shares my name, is a father of two who has extended family reside in his house -- yet he still manages to have his alone time -- maybe he can't swing the 6 to 8 hours, but he has a house rule that for 1 or 2 hours every day, nobody can bother him. It's sort of like a father from the '50s who needed to put up his feet and read the paper when he got home from work -- I dare say that works too! If you can't do one day a week, do an hour a day! Anything just to avoid going off the deep end, for real!

We sure need some down time -- I know we'll both have it soon when we visit our parents and grandparents in Florida for Thanksgiving. But I really wish we could have more of this every week. Back during my MySpace days, I quoted from passages in Leviticus that laid the basic framework for a Sabbath day before it was codified in the Ten Commandments. I extolled the virtues of having a day off, and a good friend of mine would comment, lamenting how some people simply can't afford one. Obviously a crying shame, but we should all try to just make some time like my oldest friend does -- if not a day of rest, then several hours of rest spread out over several days might do the trick! How do you think I got energized enough to write this post?

Oh well -- feel free to comment, people -- tomorrow, it's back to the grind for one day, and then the weekend!

Sorry, I'm back now!

Hey, all. Couldn't post this last Sunday because I ran the marathon. After that, I was too pooped to blog!

Also, for the first time in my running career, I didn't take off the week, or even the day, after the race. I would have liked to, but now that I'm married, I can't make these decisions unilaterally. The Lady wanted me to choose vacation days where she would also be free so we could spend them together, hey, can't fault her for that.

Now, about the race. I knew I wasn't going to be true to form this year. Moving to a new apartment and getting married usually take precedence over marathon training. That being said, I still felt a little embarrassed when someone I hadn't seen in over 20 years posted my mediocre time on Facebook. Thanks for the good intentions, but I don't like advertising to the world that I got a slower time than the last marathon I ran.

(just for the record, my PR was at the Philadelphia Marathon in 2008: 3:48!)

I really haven't been running as much as before -- I've even gained a few pounds. For me, that shouldn't be a big deal, but when all of your jeans are size 32, they get a little uncomfortable, LOL

Going back to what I said above, I need to take my vacation days before the end of the year, because my job does not allow me to "recycle" them to the next calendar year. This has been a good year at work, but I've also been working very hard. I'm carrying one client's account on my back, to put it short. I am the workers' compensation master at the office -- I train and counsel all the attorneys who go on my hearings, I give the client the best legal advice they need, and it's earned me some success, which is nice, and some RESPECT, which is better.

Still, good old David needs to "max & relax," like they said back in the day. And when I say relax, that doesn't mean, "Oh boy, let me find a menial household task to perform!" My definition of relaxing is the OPPOSITE of finding more work to do. There are people out there who do not need "me" time or "alone" time, but I AM NOT ONE OF THEM! I need to "veg!" I need to "chill!" I need to just "tune out" for a while -- what's wrong with that?

Haven't studies shown that when you spend time alone doing nothing, you feel refreshed? Isn't that re-charging your batteries? You better believe it is. And if you had a desk at work that looked like mine, you'd want to relax too!

One thing's for sure -- I know we'll both relax when we visit both our parents for Thanksgiving this year! My folks are so great, they practically roll out the red carpet for us!

Well, that's all I got -- and like Lionel says, feel free to comment!

The Year's Running Dry . . . .

Good Eeeeeve-uh-ning. Toniiiiiight is dee niiiiight, ven dee MOOOOOOON is fullll, and all dee creeeeatures of dee night come out, hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, I'm watching the Halloween parade on TV -- after all, it's Sunday night, and the rest of us who are not ghosts and goblins (or just don't have kids) have to get to bed early tonight for work tomorrow.

Next week is the NYC marathon. I've barely trained for it at all -- of course, things like getting married do sometimes take precedence over a training schedule, so I'm sure the running gods will absolve if I'm somewhat less prepared this year. I still was able to do a 20-miler a few weeks ago just by taking it at a sub-commute pace (those of us who ran with Team For Kids and Race With Purpose know what I mean). I'll just have to take it super-super easy this year.

From now on, the odd-numbered years, like next year, will be my "qualifying year." That means, instead of running the NYC, I'll do my 9 qualifying NYRR races (and one volunteering race), spread throughout the year, leaving me free to go on vacation during the summer. During the even-numbered years, I'm training for real. I might not have the time to train with RWP or any other group, but I'll have a program that I'll stick to like mad, a diet that I won't deviate from (except for a post-long run reward). I'm married, and that means I have more responsibilities, but dammit, I'm a runner, and that'll never change! When I don't run at least every other day, my legs get stiff and tight, and my chill/flow/qi/mojo disappears! I need my fix, baby, I'm addicted for life!

And to all my teammates from TFK 2005 & 2006, and RWP 2007 & 2008, good luck to everybody this year who's running NYC! Can't wait to see y'all at Fort Wadsworth, hitting the bridge, cruising through Brooklyn, booking it up First Avenue, and racing through the Park to Tavern On The Green (or whatever it's now called).

Good niiiiight, my children, hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

No More Bullying!

Since the tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi, the issue of bullying has again reared its ugly head. 11 years after Columbine, the bullies that keep our educational institutions in a constant state of chaos have not only gotten more brazen, but they've used the Internet to take their campaign of abuse and mayhem world-class and world-wide.

So who is to blame, anyway? The victims of bullying? There are some psychologists who tell us that victims of bullying need to just shake it off, not let it bother them, and just accept it as a fact of life -- in other words, "just ignore them," like moms used to tell us geeks back in the day. That's good advice, but it doesn't teach bullying that their actions are wrong. If anything, it sometimes makes bullies try even harder to mess around with us. So the victims are not to blame for what's happened.

The schools? Probably, but watch them actually admit that they allow it to happen? Case law in New York states that schools are not "insurers of their students' safety," because they can't monitor every single thing that happens. And if it does happen in front of a teacher or security guard, they look the other way. But does life get better if they actually do get involved, have a few assemblies, and start anti-bullying clubs? Hell no -- those kids get worse and tell the school to kiss off!

You know whose fault this really is? The bullies' parents. This is why these kids think they don't have to treat others with respect. This is why they don't acknowledge that a school has authority over them. This is why they think it's completely normal and natural to cause pain and humiliation of those who are weaker or less intelligent than they are. This is why they have no morals or ethics to speak of, and this is how they get away with it their whole lives. Their parents did not even bother to teach them how to behave.

So message to all those parents out there -- check out what kind of reputation your kids have. Do they take pride in smacking others around? Do they get a kick out of excluding others from their little circle of friends? SIT them down, GET their attention, and explain that this is NOT the way to BEHAVE! The rest of the world at large will thank you for setting a better example!

Now That's Happy, Baby!

This was a pretty good few weeks for me. I attended by 20th anniversary high school reunion, and I turned 30 years old!


Originally, I had decided that I would only attend my 10th reunion and never look back. However, I saw on facebook that it was getting put together, and I figured, what the heck. It stunk that my lady was out of town that weekend because she was teaching some Broadway seminars in Boston, but I'd proudly tell everyone about her. Ironically, her absence was a small blessing in disguise, because she would have had the awkward situation of meeting up with one of my classmates she dated 10 years ago! LOL

But why was I really looking to go there? I wasn't captain of the football team back then, and I sure wasn't a stud or a player. Why go see people 20 years later? Maybe just an opportunity for friendship and respect.

You see, I've done very well since those old days. It made me feel proud to go there and tell people that I'd become an attorney, that I'd run the NYC Marathon several times, and that I had recently gotten married. Quite frankly, I've reached a point in my life where I deserve respect, and it felt good to receive it, especially from those who didn't always give me respect back then.

But enough about me, I'm not just an ego trip! I was also happy to see how well everyone else was doing. My 9th grade crush? She'd landed a great job, still had tons of friends, and had a son who had made her very proud! The class present, most-likely-to guy? He did what he was most-likely-to do! He founded his own company, made a name for himself in educational software, and had a family out west! On top of that, people I almost never spoke to back in the 80's were hangin' out with me the whole time, and it just felt right!

Although we are each responsible for our own feelings of self-worth and whether we have low or high self-esteem, sometimes it's good to have a little reinforcement. No man is an island, after all. Attending a reunion as proof-positive that you're a better person now than you were then is one sure-fire way to reinforce what you're all about!

Quite frankly, that makes me want to make more time for the friends that I still talk to on a regular basis. Since I've moved here to the city with my wife, it's been a bit harder to come out to my old hometown to see a few friends and relatives, but I'm going to make a lot more time for it. Now that I've discovered the magic of Zipcar, I don't really have to depend on mass transit all the time, and I really can just get some wheels to drive out east any time I feel like it! That goes for my friend's family, including my godson and the Queen, my dawwwwwling Sista, and my grandmother, the Nanster! LOL, yes there are nicknames for most of them, my terms of affection, and one day I'm gonna have more of them come over here to see our place!

Oh well -- next week my wife will have the same opportunity. We're going to upstate NY to her old college town for a reunion up there, and we're gonna have a fine time!

The Fast He Wanted.

Hey all. We just finished the 10 Days of Awe. That's the first 10 days of the Jewish calendar, beginning with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur. That's when G-D gives us all an annual audit, encourages us to pray, repent, and be righteous, and then decides whether to extend our "lease on life" for another year. Like the old folks said, "It's tough to be a Jew!"



Anyway, the Rabbi's sermon on Yom Kippur morning really got my attention. He dealt with the differences between Judaism, and its chief competitor, Hedonism. He explained that Hedonism is America's favorite religion, the one that says, if it's a pain in the ass, don't do it. In other words, hedonists say that you should do whatever feels good, for the sake of indulging your own desires, and not do whatever feels bad, because nobody needs to deal with responsibility.



That one hit home with me for a few reasons. Being a guy, I hate housework. I completely and totally despise the act of cleaning or reorganizing a home. If I were a hedonist, I'd never do it, and everyplace I lived would have looked beyond crappy! But, as the rabbi went onto say, there must be some pain in and discomfort in life. Accordingly, even if housework is pain to me, life would be simply unworkable if I never did it.



The rabbi went on to use death as an example. When a loved one passes away, and it hurts at the funeral, and still hurts afterwards, you should be happy, because it proved that you really loved the deceased. Your pain is evidence of that love!



I'm also still awestruck by the two Haftoroth (readings from the Prophets) that are read on Yom Kippur. The first one, from Isaiah, indicates that merely fasting and standing on ceremony is not what G-D wants. The "fast" He wishes to see is feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and otherwise taking action to make this world better. Personally, I fasted, as I always do, but it's clear from that Haftarah that it's not enough for me to wipe any slate clean. That's where this blog comes in. You see, what I wish to do is become a motivational speaker for men and boys with low self-esteem. By encouraging them to overcome whatever obstacles are holding them down, I'd like to think that I really would be giving G-D the fast He wants. Too many men and boys have allowed poor parenting, bullying, and improper aggression to chip away at their self-worth. I know it's gotta stop, and I'm just the guy to do it!



The other side of the coin, as opposed to the right path to forgiveness, is forgiving others. That's why the Book of Jonah is read during the afternoon service on Yom Kippur (before the masses all show up for Ne'ilah, the concluding service, and where it's just the old timers who actually operate the synagogue). Jonah was kind of a lame prophet -- he refuses to prophecy where G-D tells him, so he ends up jeopardizing the ship he escapes on, and lives in a fish's stomach for three days before he's vomited out on dry land. Although he was forgiven for his sins, he refuses to prophecy to the people of Nineveh, because he thinks their city sucks and he wants them to get firebombed by heaven above! He does it anyway, the people repent, and he gets jealous, because he didn't want them to be forgiven!



This kind of obstinance is exactly what the world does not need. Like someone who's so uptight that when someone makes a mistake, and apologizes, that he or she won't accept the apology. Perfect example? This woman from Connecticut who one day, gets a letter from the frat guy who date-raped her in college, who wants to clear his conscience and apologize. What does she do in response? Get him to admit what he did in an e-mail, send the e-mail to the police (the jurisdiction where it happened has no statute of limitations on rape), and had him arrested 23 years after the fact.



Did he sin? Yes, very flagrantly. Is he a bad person? Yes he is. Did he know he was wrong? Yes he did. Did he want to apologize for his crime? Sure shooting. Who the hell was she not to forgive him? And what purpose did she serve to put this ne'er do well in jail two decades after the whole thing happened? Her own selfish desire for revenge, that's what!



If anti-bullying laws were retroactive, maybe I could get back at everyone who bullied me in high school decades after the fact. Would I get the same sympathy she did? Not with this Y chromosome I wouldn't! There was nothing different about her issue. She survived the rape and she moved on. Whatever trauma she felt afterwards could not have been anything more than what she chose to feel.



Don't get me wrong, he was no genius. Had he consulted legal counsel, he would have learned that if he contacted her regarding a crime he committed in a jurisdiction with no statute of limitations, he might be prosecuted for his admissions against interest, and then he could have avoided this whole situation. Still, she could have taken the higher road, forgiven him, and continued to move on with her life. Instead, she was a Jonah for our time, who just couldn't forgive because her hatred and grudges spoke louder than any higher purpose.



DISCLAIMER: Rape is a horrible crime, whether it's committed by a stalker in an alley or the captain of the debate team. It warrants prosecution for a reason. I am in no way defending this man's admitted actions. But I am also in no way defending that woman's mean-spirited, cold, callous, vengeful, selfish, borderline evil actions in suckering him into a criminal conviction more than 20 years after the fact. Legalizing revenge does not legitimize it.



Yes, this woman gave G-D the opposite of the fast He wanted, much like Jonah himself did. Nobody can say that anyone else doesn't deserve forgiveness. None of us is above anyone else.



So that's my take on it all. Feel free to comment, and let's be forgiving towards one another!

September 11, 2001

9 years later, I still remember where I was and what I was doing.

At the time, I was working in-house for a no-fault insurance carrier on Wall Street. I was scheduled to attend two arbitrations in Huntington, Long Island. Physically, I was far removed from what was about to happen, but I still felt the impact.

Driving to Huntington on the Northern State Parkway, I decided to put on Howard Stern. At the time, he was still on 92.3 K-Rock, and not Sirius or XM Radio. Hadn't listened to him in some time, so I wanted a chuckle.

Howard was not joking that morning. He did let through a few asides about how frustrated he was that Pamela Anderson wouldn't hook up with him, but that was NOT the point of that morning's broadcast. People were calling in telling him that two planes had hit the WTC Twin Towers! Some had seen those planes passing overhead, some had seen the actual impact. I didn't understand what this all meant -- hadn't it already been 8 years since something happened to the World Trade Center?

Notwithstanding Howard's stature, I switched to the other stations on the radio -- surely this was either a rebroadcast of the 1993 bombing, or something entirely different. All other radio stations were reporting the same thing -- the Towers were hit, people were jumping out the windows, Muslim extremists were responsible. How the hell was this happening?!?!?!?

I made it to the first arbitration. The arbitrator had the TV news on, showing both towers in flames, yet we proceeded. Headed to the next one, my adversary was there, but the arbitrator was not.

After 20 minutes, she arrived, after pulling her daughter out of school. She explained to us both that she would not be able to adequately decide the arbitration and continued the case, exhorting us both to "go home and be with your families."

Before leaving, we briefly discussed what had just happened. Although it may be the work of terrorist, she said, it might have been an American, like Timothy McVeigh, who was behind this. I disagreed -- one week beforehand, Israel had pulled out of the World Counsel on Racism, and the US had followed suit. I opined that this was most likely the work of some Palestinian extremists who thought they could punish the US for our "Zionist" leanings. I said, "This was an act of war, nothing else. The US simply has to respond to this, or the rest of the world will think we're weak."

I called my Mom and my girlfriend (at the time) to let them know I was OK. Tried calling the office, but the calls wouldn't go through. I couldn't tell if I had to go into the office, but it seemed that just going home would be the best choice under the circumstances.

The traffic was heavier than normal on the parkways that day -- the State Troopers were out in full force. As I proceeded home, the Towers fell. Without the benefit of TV or Internet access (there were no Blackberries back then), I imagined them both falling down to one side, not collapsing in a stack. I began to fear that all of Wall Street had just been taken out.

I also got angry. I began to mutter under my breath, "Who did this? Who the ---- thought they could do this in our country?!?!?! Find them, kill them all, and let G-D sort them out!"

At the time, I still lived with my parents in Baldwin. My mother's birthday was that day, so as planned, we all had Carvel ice cream cake with my aunt, uncle, & grandmother as we watched CNN. By that time, in the evening, they had removed footage that rumored to show people in the West Bank dancing and selling candy, reveling in this lethal blow rendered by their would-be heroes. Damn them.

For the next week, there was no work. Mayor Giuliani had sealed off everything south of 14th Street in Manhattan, and that included my office. I did not know if I still had a job, or if my co-workers were safe.

Later, we learned that the husband of my mother's friend had perished during the attack. He was on the 90th floor of Tower One -- exactly the point of impact where the plane hit. We decided amongst ourselves that he never knew it happened, and we found solace in that thought. A week later, a memorial service was held in his honor at our synagogue -- it was jam-packed to the rafters.

In the following months, nobody hated anyone else. Total strangers would talk to each other on the subway as if there were no boundaries. A respect for the sanctity of life began to permeate everyone's thoughts and actions. At the same time, an enemy named Osama bin Laden, who had already claimed responsibility for the 1998 attack on the U.S.S. Cole, and the U.S. Embassy in Tanzania, appeared to have been the central figure responsible for the attack. he would follow this up with video and audio tapes decrying perceived injustices against the Muslim world, that somehow justified this mass murder. He was being protected by the Taliban, an extremist religious party that bulled Afghanistan into submission, and was a leader in a gang known as Al-Qaeda.

In a more shocking turn of events, after the U.S. began its eventual attack of retaliation against Afghanistan, it was learned that one member of the Taliban was an American citizen named John Walker Lindh. America screamed for his head as a traitor, but he was instead convicted of a lesser sentence.

Looking back, it seemed like a cross between Pearl Harbor and JFK's assassination. Like those both events, 9/11 brought our country together in a time of shared pain, outrage, and chaos. Like both events, our country emerged stronger than before. Admittedly, it did not lead to victory in a just war, and did not serve to lionize the leader of our nation at that time. But it did remind us, the hard way, that life is short and fragile. It awakened us to the reality that others in this world are so easily swayed by inflammatory rhetoric, that they de-value human life. It made us more patriotic, more G-D-fearing, and more wary of who in the world seeks us well or harm.

Now, 9 years later, it appears that we have nearly stooped to the level of our enemies. We have now vilified a religion and a culture that was hijacked by extremists, because it is far easier to paint with a broad brush than with fine strokes. We have abandoned the higher standards of freedom and liberty that our enemies could never comprehend, because it is simply easier to allow hatred spewed by demagogues to guide us in an exercise of groupthink. We wear the blood of the victims as justification for becoming victimizers. Just what exactly are we doing here?

Will they allow churches and synagogues to be built in Mecca. No, they won't -- but why should we be as horrible as they are? Why legitimize their medieval methods by mirroring them? The First Amendment protects the free exercise of religion -- not just your religion and not just mine, but religion, period.

Are you worried about more terrorist acts in that space? The police and military presence already there will prevent that. Are you concerned that Friday services will be an outlet to incite worshippers to attack perceived infidels? Join the club, Israel's had that problem for 60 years -- but again, patrolling that area will ensure that any hate-filled rhetoric will not spill out onto the streetes (at least not from the mosque supporters, anyway).

What we have here is the case of a reaction far exceeding the action. I'm reminded of what happened when the KKK held a mini-rally in lower Manhattan. All those huckleberries did was hold up a sign supporting the KKK while wearing their robes. It was the PROTESTERS who caused trouble, it was the PROTESTERS that caused disorderly conduct, and it was the PROTESTERS who filled the air with hate-filled speech. By doing so, they made the Klansmen look like angels floating down from heaven! They drew you all offside, and you got yourselves penalized!

Learn a lesson, anti-mosque protestors -- you're making yourselves look ridiculous, as did the Klan protesters. You no longer wear the cloak of victim-hood, instead you wear the uniform of vengeance. When we think more and emote less, we prevent such embarrassing episodes from happening. Your hate-filled rhetoric, targeted against a religion that existed more than a thousand years before bin Laden hooked up his dialysis machine, is backfiring badly. Sorry, but you're just not the good guys here. Please be guided accordingly.