And another one!
http://ping.fm/TTXgV
Sunday, June 26, 2011
They Got It!
Friday was a momentous day in the history of the State of New York. Homosexuals have now been granted the right to marry, a right possessed by heterosexuals since time immemorial.
As readers of both my blogs are aware, I have been an advocate for those who have faced disparate and unjust treatment. Accordingly, I'm proud of the New York State Legislature for taking a bold stand and joining a minority of states who have expanded a basic human freedom to those who were previously deprived the same liberties enjoyed by those with a more mainstream preference.
However, as we are loath to remember, with rights come responsibilities. It's come to my attention that over time, nearly every oppressed minority, once given rights and reparations, has the potential to emulate its oppressors. And they often do. This is because they did not understand the responsibilities that came with theire newly-granted rights.
Our friends seek the blessings of marriage so enjoyed by the mainstream population. However, not every part of marriage is cake and ice cream, so to speak. Marriage means commitment. Marriage means responsibility. Marriage means that a union of two people takes on its own identity, which is often greater than the two indviduals themselves.
Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment. This is why, when both parties seek to terminate the marriage, it is so difficult, so unpleasant, so merciless, and so expensive.
While I support the gay community and congratulate it on its new rights, I also seek to offer constructive criticism: As someone only married for less than a year myself, at an age older than 22, I can tell you that marriage is often something that takes adjustment if you're used to "the way things were" before. It is a complete lifestyle change, and more than just "a little slip of paper." You can't just wake up one day, decide you're bored, and show the other person the door. You also can't just troll around, looking for someone "better," like a job candidate. You have to at least try to seek compromise, conflict resolution, and look to make the relationship just a little bit better any way you can. If you've spent the entire earlier part of your life just playing around, looking out for yourself, and not sharing yourself with anyone else, it's a HUGE change.
So hopefully you've celebrated at the Pride Parade today. Just try to understand that this institution the heterosexual community has that you've wanted for so long is not a gift, a freebie, or a blank check. It's a responsibility. A big, huge, responsiblity that you must not attempt unless you know you're ready. Otherwise, you will lose respect.
As readers of both my blogs are aware, I have been an advocate for those who have faced disparate and unjust treatment. Accordingly, I'm proud of the New York State Legislature for taking a bold stand and joining a minority of states who have expanded a basic human freedom to those who were previously deprived the same liberties enjoyed by those with a more mainstream preference.
However, as we are loath to remember, with rights come responsibilities. It's come to my attention that over time, nearly every oppressed minority, once given rights and reparations, has the potential to emulate its oppressors. And they often do. This is because they did not understand the responsibilities that came with theire newly-granted rights.
Our friends seek the blessings of marriage so enjoyed by the mainstream population. However, not every part of marriage is cake and ice cream, so to speak. Marriage means commitment. Marriage means responsibility. Marriage means that a union of two people takes on its own identity, which is often greater than the two indviduals themselves.
Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment. This is why, when both parties seek to terminate the marriage, it is so difficult, so unpleasant, so merciless, and so expensive.
While I support the gay community and congratulate it on its new rights, I also seek to offer constructive criticism: As someone only married for less than a year myself, at an age older than 22, I can tell you that marriage is often something that takes adjustment if you're used to "the way things were" before. It is a complete lifestyle change, and more than just "a little slip of paper." You can't just wake up one day, decide you're bored, and show the other person the door. You also can't just troll around, looking for someone "better," like a job candidate. You have to at least try to seek compromise, conflict resolution, and look to make the relationship just a little bit better any way you can. If you've spent the entire earlier part of your life just playing around, looking out for yourself, and not sharing yourself with anyone else, it's a HUGE change.
So hopefully you've celebrated at the Pride Parade today. Just try to understand that this institution the heterosexual community has that you've wanted for so long is not a gift, a freebie, or a blank check. It's a responsibility. A big, huge, responsiblity that you must not attempt unless you know you're ready. Otherwise, you will lose respect.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day!
Hey all -- since today is father's day, I'm recycling what I posted when my father recovered from triple bypass surgery. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!
My Father
Yesterday I heard some distressing news from my Mom. I already knew that Dad had to be taken to the hospital for some sort of stress test, but this took an unexpected turn.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
During the test, an angiogram was taken, and it revealed that the main artery to Dad's heart was 99% blocked. According to those facts alone, he should not have been able to walk around, miracle of miracles. So they administered emergency triple bypass surgery to remove the blockage. This took the better part of yesterday, and I kept calling Mom almost hourly to check in Dad's progress. Between that and the text messages I sent to everyone else I knew about Dad, the battery did not last by the time I finally got home.
It really made me step back and think about my father, too. In my family, my Mom had the more outgoing personality, so he tended to disappear in the shadows. He did, however, always fancy himself as the Power Behind The Throne. :)
I also remembered one episode from childhood that forever defined the type of man he was. I was about 8, maybe 9, and he wanted to show me some work he was doing on the car. He wanted me to be mechanically inclined, so I'd know what I was doing once I had a car of my own. I tried to look interested, but it didn't work.
As unforgivable as I'd later realize this to be, growing up in a blue-collar town, I was anything but mechanically inclined. I would have given anything at that time to go back inside the house, watch cartoons, and do anything that would allow me to put my mind in neutral, after the previous 5 school days of having various adult authority figures demand, in tones of righteous indignation, that I "Pay Attention!!!!!"
I would later learn acting skills, but my attempt at pretending I was interested was a failure. Finally, my Dad gave up out of frustration and told me to go back inside. I said "No, Dad, really, I'm interested," hoping to avoid another lecture, but he wasn't buying it.
So I did watch my cartoons, although I had a sense of guilt. Once again, I had disappointed someone without doing anything at all. But later, he came into my room, and we had a talk.
He said, "David, I can't play the saxophone, but you can. I also can't draw cartoons, do funny voices, or sing those Michael Jackson songs on the radio, but you can. I'd like you to one day learn how cars work, because it can save you a lot of money and give you a good hobby. But if this is not something you want to learn about now, that's OK. You really don't have to do everything that I do because you're your own person."
The reason why this moment remains so important to me is because it was the first time in my young life that an adult authority figure did not yell at me when I was being myself. In fact, this was the first time in my life any authority figure told me that I was OK, and that I should feel OK about it! In that moment, my father, with his quiet, gentle, and thoughtful ways, became Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, and Mike Brady all rolled up in one!
From that day to this one, my father has remained a man of patience and dignity. The thought of him undergoing the bypass made a lot of things clearer to me -- that he deserves a lot more accolades and praise than he's received. For all things he's done, for his family and his country, he deserves a ton of recognition. And hopefully, once he's feeling a little better, my sister and I will be able to visit him in Florida to show him we care.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Hey all -- here's a new blog post on New Day about a famous Congressman from Queens!
http://ping.fm/5rAPU
http://ping.fm/5rAPU
Choose Your Words, And Your Recipients, Wisely!
And the Anthony Weiner story continues. First Eliot Spitzer, and now this. What on earth has been happening with New York's Democractic politicians?
I certainly don't know. But I do know that there are lessons to be learned from this fiasco:
(1) If our dear Congressman enjoyed engaging in this activity so much, he should have reconsidered getting married. Once you get married, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Instead, you can have your cake, and not even think, consider, or mull the notion of touching it, let alone eating it.
(2) It may be true that other members of Congress have done even worse deeds, as our friend Mr. Rangel has pointed out. However, that doesn't stop them from smelling blood and growing fangs once someone else is caught with their pants down. Politics is a realm in which you survive by culminating a necessary amount of alliances and friendships. Even if politicians are as human as the rest of us, the drive for self-preservation includes the desire to condemn, malign, and pass judgment on anyone who gets caught doing something questionable, regardless of whatever these accusers have themselves wrought.
(3) The danger of social media is that once you e-mail, blog, tweet, or update, whatever you say is OUT there, and there is a very real risk that it may end up in places you didn't want it seen. Those of us who wish to play around and enjoy the ride will need to buckle up, because it's really all of our responsibilities to stay safe. Or better yet, try to wean yourselves off the ride -- it might be difficult, but it is very possible. Your loved ones will be more grateful for it than you may realize.
I certainly don't know. But I do know that there are lessons to be learned from this fiasco:
(1) If our dear Congressman enjoyed engaging in this activity so much, he should have reconsidered getting married. Once you get married, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Instead, you can have your cake, and not even think, consider, or mull the notion of touching it, let alone eating it.
(2) It may be true that other members of Congress have done even worse deeds, as our friend Mr. Rangel has pointed out. However, that doesn't stop them from smelling blood and growing fangs once someone else is caught with their pants down. Politics is a realm in which you survive by culminating a necessary amount of alliances and friendships. Even if politicians are as human as the rest of us, the drive for self-preservation includes the desire to condemn, malign, and pass judgment on anyone who gets caught doing something questionable, regardless of whatever these accusers have themselves wrought.
(3) The danger of social media is that once you e-mail, blog, tweet, or update, whatever you say is OUT there, and there is a very real risk that it may end up in places you didn't want it seen. Those of us who wish to play around and enjoy the ride will need to buckle up, because it's really all of our responsibilities to stay safe. Or better yet, try to wean yourselves off the ride -- it might be difficult, but it is very possible. Your loved ones will be more grateful for it than you may realize.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)